I knew something wasn't right when the embryologist didn't call on day 5, like we were told. Most embryos make it to blast on day 5. I was incredibly anxious throughout the day and the call never came. It's impossible to get in touch with anyone in that office. Normally, you leave a voicemail or e-mail and someone will get back to you. The nurse probably thinks I'm crazy because of the messages I left her asserting how angry I was that we hadn't gotten any updates. Don't you people know how tortuous this is!?!??!
Day 6 is when I got the call. I was teaching that morning, so I listened to the voicemail as soon as I dropped my class off at specials. The news came as I was walking past the library. I simply could not wait until I was somewhere private. The embryologist said that both embryos had been doing excellent but that they had stopped growing on day 5. They waited an extra day to see if time would help but both arrested.
A good friend/coworker of mine was walking with me and asked if I had heard anything (he was one of the few I had told about this). When I told him what I had just heard, he asked if I was okay... and I thought I was. I went back to my classroom and tried to work as if nothing had happened. This couldn't be real life. It couldn't be my life. I didn't want to accept it.
Numb would be the best way to describe my feelings that day. As soon as I'd heard that only two eggs fertilized, I prepared myself for the reality of not having any embryos. I was trying to be realistic with my diagnosis and the statistics of IVF. But, it didn't help stop the pain of finding out there are no embryos to freeze, no chances of having a baby. I finally went to the bathroom, locked myself in a stall, texted my best friends with the news, and cried for 15-20 minutes. Oddly, that was the only time I cried over this. Maybe I had prepared myself for this reality... or maybe I just didn't want to feel the pain. But, I did a decent job of moving on and looking forward to cycle 2.
WTF Appointment
Infertiles like to call the appointment after a failed or canceled cycle a "WTF appointment" because, well, WHAT THE FUCK?!
Our appointment went rather well. Apparently, the embryos had been growing wonderfully until day 5. Our RE explained the grading scale they use to determine how well the embryos are growing in preparation for a transfer or freezing. She used pictures to show examples and was able to show us when ours dropped off the face of the planet. There was no explanation for the arresting of embryos or the fact that I had 5 empty follicles. She legitimately seemed stumped as to what had happened.
Many say that the first round of IVF is usually diagnostic. During IVF, doctors learn more about your particular body and may be able to find out what's happening when the natural baby-making fails. Our RE wants to tackle the problem of empty follicles and immature eggs. She took our case to the monthly meeting she has with other infertility specialists and they came up with a plan to help ensure that we get mature eggs in the next round.
Mini- Stim
The protocol for IVF #2 was dubbed Mini-Stim. The protocol is a 2-cycle plan that gives the follicles more time to grow and mature.
Step 1) Begin taking Estrace (estrogen) 3 days after getting a positive ovulation test. From my understanding, this is supposed to help ensure that there are more follicles and that they all grow at the same rate. Click Here for an Explanation of Estrace Priming
Step 2) Do a baseline Ultrasound at the start of my period to make sure we're good to go
Step 3) Begin Cetrotide injections on Days 2-8. (Cetrotide prevents ovulation).
Step 4) Begin taking 100 mg. of Clomid on days 9-13
(SIDENOTE: I was NOT feeling good about taking Clomid. Remember when I was benched for cysts over a year ago? It was Clomid's fault and I'd taken a much lower dose then! My RE assured me that it would be okay. All cysts would be drained during egg retrieval, if there were any. I trusted her and agreed to take them... even though I can't even say the name without shuddering!)
Step 5) Begin a low dose of Gonal-F Injections on day 11 and continue until egg retrieval.
Step 6) Begin Cetrotide injections again when told.
Step 7) When the follicles are all big and ready to go, I will be giving myself 3 different trigger shots, spaced out over a 36 hour period. Trigger shots usually help the follicles grow and is a great time for the eggs to mature. I guess that's why they wanted to do 3??
Step 8) Egg Retrieval
We had a new plan. The school year was coming to an end. I would have the summer to focus on taking care of me without the stress of taking off work, making up excuses as to why I'm out all the time, trying to focus on teaching, writing and preparing sub plans for each of the millions of appointments, stressing over the fact that my sub didn't fill and there was no one to watch my class, worrying because I was missing precious teaching time and wouldn't be able to fit everything in, trying to grade papers and write lessons at home, and so on. I was STOKED that we'd be able to try our new plan during my summer break. If we can just get one good embryo, I'll be happy. And, so we waited for that positive ovulation test...
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