Dramatic is an understatement in this case. My body sure knows how to mess with me. Every single cycle I've ever had since starting this whole baby-making journey has been normal. I always get a positive ovulation test around the same time every month. It's clear. Two solid lines. But, when my next round of IVF depends on it... my body decides it's not important... or maybe it was the ovulation test messing with me?? Who knows! All I know is that it caused a lot of stress and anxiety.
I knew that my body was all jacked up from the hormones of the previous cycle so I expected my ovulation day to be a little off. But, the nurse instructs patients to "call if you haven't gotten a positive ovulation test by day 16." Well, I was on day 15 and wasn't having any symptoms of ovulation, AT ALL! I e-mailed to let her know and she scheduled me to come in for an ultrasound and blood test to see where I was in my cycle. The day before my appointment, I kept feeling twinges in my right ovary along with some other symptoms of ovulation, but nothing compared to the usual. That night, there was a second line! It was a little lighter than the control line, which meant ovulation was right around the corner. Typically, I'll get a faded second line the day before a positive. SO, I canceled the appointment and told the nurse I had gotten a positive. 3 days later, I would be starting the Estrace priming to prep for Round 2.
Well... guess what happened? The second line never got darker! I tested for 3 more days and the line consistently stayed a little lighter. Some of them were darker but not as dark as the control. By Saturday night (4 days later!), my tests were back to negative. One line. What does this mean?!?! I was afraid that if I started the Estrace too early, I'd mess up the protocol. But, I was more afraid that I never actually ovulated. I decided to take half of the Estrace dose on Saturday (1 pill, instead of 2) and call the office the next morning. Such a good idea! The nurse told me to continue taking the Estrace as normal and come in for a blood test on Monday. That blood test confirmed ovulation (elevated progesterone levels mean ovulation) and I could continue taking the Estrace. But, I couldn't stop wondering if I had the actual day of ovulation wrong. Did I start taking the pills too early? Should I have taken 2 on Saturday? Should I wait another day to start taking them? ALL THE QUESTIONS and nothing I could do to answer them. Argh.
Protocol Fun
I continued the Estrace for about two weeks and went in for the another baseline ultrasound and bloodwork the first day of my cycle. All looked great and we were set to go!
Step 1: Cetrotide injections each night for 7 days.
What a breeze this was going to be! Only one injection a night.... much better than the 4-5 I was doing before. Here's the story of our first injections for IVF #2:
We have officially started round 2 of IVF! It's a weird protocol aimed at getting mature eggs rather than lots of them. Quality over quantity. It starts with 7 days of Cetrotide. And where did we kick off the fun? In a parking lot behind a brewery with my dress pulled up. :)
We were at a wedding and snuck out between the ceremony and reception. My friend made a joke about us going to the car to "do it." In a sense, we were "making babies" in the car. Trying to, anyway. It was 92 degrees and I had my dress hiked up so he could get to my stomach. A family came out to get in the car next to us. Who knows what they were thinking?? My husband says we look like addicts shooting up. Hahaha! There was no burning like everyone had warned us about and the syringe wasn't too bad. We high-fived as I pulled my dress back down and walked back in. High five to teamwork and getting it done, no matter where you are.
Then, I celebrated with a beer! I haven't had beer since... I don't know?!?! It's been too long! I'm gluten intolerant and they had a gluten free beer. Even though I quit drinking in January (with an occasional wine), I HAD to enjoy what was obviously handed to me. We spent the rest of the night dancing and sweating our asses off. A nice distraction for this infertile brain.
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| Bathroom Injection Session |
This round was full of all kinds of injection fun! I was at my best friend's lake house with all of her coworkers the second night of injections. As luck would have it, all of her friends wanted to go for a boat ride right around the time I needed to do the injection. I disappeared into the bathroom to "quickly" administer the shot but it wasn't mixing correctly. I made quite the mess. Luckily, the pharmacies put extra meds in each dose just in case all of us untrained infertiles jack up the mixing. When I came out of the bathroom, everyone was just standing on the porch waiting for me! Who knows what they thought I was doing? Stomach problems? IBS? How embarassing!
I also shot up some Cetrotide in the bathroom of a mental illness hospital. Some friends and I went out for Food Truck Tuesday, which just happens to be at a park located in front of a mental health center. They have the bathrooms open for the park so that's where I did my injection. :)
Step 2: Begin Clomid Cycle Days 9-13
Step 3: Begin Gonal-F injections Cycle Day 11 until egg retrieval
My first monitoring appointment was on Thursday, June 23. I went in for an ultrasound and blood work (estrogen levels). The point of this appointment is to see how things are progressing and to check the growth of the follicles. Remember, ideally, 1 follicle = 1 egg. First, we looked at my right ovary (this is the lazy one that doesn't do much work). I had 4 follicles all between 9-13mm. This was perfect! Then, we moved to my left ovary and I knew immediately, this cycle was probably over. There it was. The black circle of doom! A LARGE follicle dominating the ovary. I had 5 small follicles (all less than 10 mm) and a big ol' 21 mm follicle just ready to ovulate. When the doctor asked if I had any questions, all I could manage was, "If... what... that... ugh... well...I... grrr....hmph....who knows." He simply says, "Let's hope the other follicles catch up."
I held back the tears as I drove to STEM training for the day. To be honest, I have no idea what anyone talked about in any of the classes I attended. Tears were trying their best to pour out of my eyes and my anxiety was through the roof! The phone call came while I was in a Genius Hour class. It was from the doctor... not the nurse. This is always bad news. The panic attack was starting and I had to get out of there. I went home early and called the doctor back (which is another long story because of how difficult it is to get in touch with a human being at that office).
We had 2 options:
1) Continue on with the protocol, starting Cetrotide back up. Hopefully, this would give the other folllicles a chance to catch up and hold the dominant one from ovulating. Check back in two days and decided whether or not we should cancel.
2) Stop the protocol immediately. (This means we would have to pay out of pocket for the past 3 appointments so that it doesn't count as the 2nd cycle of our Attain Program. This combined with the cost of meds is about $4500 down the drain).
After listening to my RE sort through the options in her head, I could tell that she thought it best for us to cancel and try again next cycle. I called my husband at work to explain it to him and that's when the crying started. He felt pretty strongly about cancelling the cycle, as well. His reasoning, "If it's already not going as planned and we're having to consider cancelling, we shouldn't risk wasting our last cycle and losing our money." This made so much sense! So, the RE ordered an HCG trigger shot. I drove an hour to pick it up from the pharmacy and poked myself in the ass that night. How ironic that I'm injecting a pregnant woman's piss into my system so that I can ovulate and wait ANOTHER month to start this whole process over again.
Worse Than A Failed Cycle
Remember how I only cried once over our failed cycle? Yeah, well, I cried for days over this cancelled cycle. I cried on and off four HOURS after we cancelled. I cried in the car, the shower, on the bed, watching TV, looking at my dog. You name it. Everything made me cry. I cried everyday for 4 days. This cancelled cycle really threw me for a loop. I was more upset and depressed about this than I had ever been about anything. I vented my frustrations that night. Here they are:
I'm so irritated for so many reasons. 1) I LOVED being able to do this over summer break. I didn't have to worry about sub plans, using sick days, catching up on missed lessons, explaining why I'm always late or leaving early for appointments. I'm getting enough sleep each night and making healthy meals. I'm not stressed out about anything at all. It has been wonderful! This next cycle will be putting me back in the midst of IVF right at the start of the new year.
2) We did Estrace priming for this cycle. The point was to ensure that all the follicles grew and developed at the same rate in order to create more mature eggs. That was a total loss! Estrace didn't do such a good job, did it? Cause that one follicle took over and screwed it all up.
3) The next protocol is another 2-cycle protocol, which puts our next ER in September! I was so looking forward to being DONE with this. It's our last round of IVF and we're out until we can afford donor eggs. Fail or not, I was so looking forward to having my life back in July. No more meds, injections, or taking 50 vitamins a night. No more worrying about my diet and exercise. But, now, I've got 3 or more months left.
4) I have to go another 2-3 months faking happy all the time. I have another 3 months to worry about which one of my friends will announce her pregnancy (I have 5 friends currently trying!!!). I can't even stand being around them when it gets brought up. That excited aura just kills me.
5) Money. We just lost about $2,000 on meds and will have to pay for the last two appointments out of pocket (so that it doesn't count as cycle 2 on the Attain Program).
6) Cysts. The last time I took Clomid (2014), I ended up with 4 massive cysts that put me out of the game for 3 months. I was weary about taking Clomid for this cycle but the RE assured me it would be okay because they would drain any cysts during the egg retrieval. Since that's not happening anymore, there is a possibility of cysts forming. What if I have to be put on hold even longer because of Clomid and some damn cysts?
And now.... we're waiting for that period to come along so we can start again...
PS: Cetrotide was HORRIBLE! After a few days, I started getting dull headaches. I was bloated. My stomach broke out into an itchy rash! Blagh! I hope I never have to inject that stuff again.
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| Check out the disgusting bumps and bruises from just 5 injections of Cetrotide. All for nothing. :( |
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