It's Happening

Since finding out this would not be a viable pregnancy, I've been all over the place figuring out how to cope.

I had a phone-meeting with my RE on Wednesday afternoon. She told me that the miscarriage could take up to 3 or 4 weeks to happen. What an awful long time to wait! I have an appointment for another HCG draw tomorrow morning. We made a plan for "next steps." As soon as I have a period (does the bleeding from the miscarriage count?) I'm supposed to schedule a SIS to check for scarring. She ordered this test for me back in November after the HSG came back showing something wonky on the left side of my uterus. They think I may have scarring from the retained placenta. Because of money, I put the procedure off. Now I'm regretting that and hoping we don't find anything on the SIS.

From the Nashville Fertility Website: A saline-infusion sonogram (SIS) may also be called a Hydrosonogram or Saline infusion sonohysterography (SHG). This test is an ultrasound study of the uterus and uterine cavity. This test does not evaluate the fallopian tubes. Abnormalities such as fibroids, uterine polyps and scarring can be detected with this test. All of these abnormalities are things that could interfere with embryo implantation and fertility.

After the procedure, we'll go directly into her office for a consult. We'll go over my updated results from October, the SIS and HSG results, and talk about what happened with the miscarriage. And we can also plan next steps.


Since that conversation, I've been feeling a little better about the whole thing. I've reached out to friends who have been through this and they have been extremely supportive and helpful. More than I could ask for. But I'm obsessively running to the bathroom to check for bleeding. Yesterday I had some brown spotting and little cramps here and there but nothing happened. I convinced Merman that we needed a Mexican dinner so I enjoyed queso and a margarita. Each night since finding out, I've gone straight to bed after putting Merbaby to sleep cause I just don't have motivation to do anything but wait. Not healthy. I know. But I have been pouring my heart into work the past couple of days. Creating color coded end-of-year to-do lists from my team (which I'm sure they love), holding meetings, working with students a little more than usual, etc.

When I woke up this morning, there was a little more brown spotting but nothing major and no cramping so off to work I went in the pouring rain with tornado warnings all around. After holding a short meeting, I went to the bathroom and BOOM! There it was. It has officially started. I'm having waves of hot flashes but nothing more. No cramping. Part of me wants to stay and work but I'd also just like to be at home, eating candy, drinking coffee cause I can.

We'll see how this day, weekend, process plays out.