The Devil Drug and Cysts

Remember this post from July 1st? Round 2... or Not. This was the post where I vented all of my concerns and frustrations over having a cancelled cycle. The one where I mentioned being afraid that I'd end up with cysts from taking Clomid and not making it to an egg retrieval. Yep, well, I was right! Drum Roll Please.... I have FIVE cysts! 4 on the left side and 1 on the right. I want to say that I can't believe it but, honestly, I can. Why would my body want to do anything right at this point?

Let's start from the beginning of today...

The purpose of today's appointment was to go over what happened with the cancelled cycle and learn about the new protocol for IVF Round 3. From my understanding, having a dominant follicle isn't necessarily caused by any particular thing. The RE is optimistic that it won't happen again because it didn't happen with the first round of IVF. She brought up the Karyotype testing, wanting to know why I requested to have that done. Call me crazy! Cause, that's how I felt explaining that I'd gotten the idea from Reddit. She didn't seem too annoyed. But, I seriously felt like a paranoid crazy person explaining my reasoning to her. She went over our individual genetic testing results from January and explained a little more about the chromosomal testing. But, that was the boring part of the appointment. Let's get on to the good stuff.

In discussing the next protocol, I mentioned that I hate Clomid and prefer not to use it. "The Devil Drug" is what I call it. Not only does it cause mood swings, headaches, and hot flashes, but it put me on the bench for 3 months back in early 2015. If you recall from previous posts, the lowest dose of Clomid left me with 4 massive cysts ranging from 4 cm. - 6.5 cm. Also, this drug thins your lining, which is NOT what you want happening when you're supposed to be carrying a baby in there. It's the devil, I tell ya! (For those of you who have conceived on Clomid, I applaud you and congratulate you. I'm happy it worked out for you and I apologize for my raging jealousy).  I reminded her that it had given me cysts before and mentioned that I could have cysts now. She asked if I'd like to do a quick ultrasound to check on that. Well, yes, actually. I thought that was something we HAD to do, but apparently not. Good thing I said something!

Guess what? My husband actually got to go into ultrasound room with me! He can finally see the twat-wand (that's what we like to call the internal ultrasound stick)! I will say that it was awkward with him there. It's a tiny little room and he was literally sitting up against the chair/table I was on. The best part was when I walked out of the bathroom with my pants off and he shockingly exclaims, "Why are you doing that?!?!" It took everything in me not to die laughing. I simply pointed to the twat-wand and said, "I have to do this for the ultrasound." At least he gets it now. He got to see how invasive all of this is. No more modesty for this chick. We're just throwing it all out there for everyone to see! Period or not. Have at it! :)

As soon as my RE stuck the wand in, she saw them. She immediately said, "Okay. No more Clomid for you." I had four 4 cm. cysts on my left ovary and one on my right. My husband was so intrigued with how big they were and watching the screen that I forgot to pay attention to the size of the right one. "I told you it's the devil drug!" I reminded everyone, just for the record. The RE agreed that it is, in fact, the devil. Oh, but the good news is that it made my lining so thin that my period is almost over... on cycle day 2. I'll take short periods any day. Thanks for nothing, Devil Drug.

Our Options due to the cysts:
This next protocol is another 2-cycle deal. It begins with a month of testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone priming. When my next cycle begins, I'll actually begin injecting stimulation meds and prepping for an egg retrieval. This puts us completing IVF Round 3 sometime in mid-September. (Ugh. Makes me nauseous just thinking about how far away that is).

So,
Option 1) Continue with the protocol as planned. Begin taking testosterone and estrogen on cycle day 3 (tomorrow). When my next cycle begins, we'll check for cysts. If they aren't there, we can start IVF! If they are still there, we will stop. Take a break. Wait for the cysts to go away.
Pro: Don't lose any time if the cysts go away by next month. Con: Spend money on testosterone and progesterone and risk not having it be for nothing (if the cysts don't go away). 

Option 2) Don't do anything. Wait a month. Check on my cysts at the start of my next cycle. If they aren't there, move forward and start the priming then. If they are, keep waiting. Pro: Don't spend any money on meds until we know my body is ready. Con: Lose a month. If we start this protocol in August, the egg retrieval won't be until sometime mid-October. Remember, we started all of this back in January. I have diminished ovarian reserve, which means each month we lose is precious time that my egg count/quality continues to decline.

We decided to go with Option 1. I'd rather not waste anymore time. I'm so ready for all of this to just be over. I'm sick of filling my body with hormones and not knowing what to expect. I'm sick of feeling like I'm on the verge of crazy all the time. I'm sick of not knowing what lies ahead or if we'll ever get to have a baby. I'm tired of dealing with money, insurance, pharmacies, paperwork, etc. I just want my life and my body back.

Please, Make This More Difficult
Fertility Meds aren't easy to get. Only certain pharmacies carry them and they aren't in convenient places. The pharmacy holding my testosterone is about 45 minutes away, without traffic. With traffic, it could take up to 2 hours to get there. I called them immediately after leaving the RE's office to see if I could pick it up before the afternoon commute. That's when I learned that my insurance company wants prior authorization from the RE before agreeing to cover the cost of the testosterone. (The pharmacy always runs it through insurance just to see if they'll pay). The pharmacist informs me that they have faxed the paperwork to my nurse and cannot do anything until they hear back from my insurance company. I could either wait or pay out-of-pocket now. The total for this testosterone gel and patch thing is ~$250. It doesn't seem like much until you consider that we have already spent about $40,000 on this whole mess and we're not even close to being done. Today's appointment alone cost more than the testosterone. So, I chose to wait.

This came up when I searched Androgel. ha! Maybe I'll look like
this guy when it's all over?

My nurse called this afternoon to let me know that the prior authorization has been sent, marked URGENT. No matter what, I have to start taking it tomorrow so I'll be forced to pay out-of-pocket if we don't hear back. Reimbursement is an option if they agree to cover it later on. Which means, more fun paperwork! Thank you, insurance companies in America for helping women during such an emotionally difficult life situation. You are so very appreciated. (insert eye-roll).


Me
I left the doctor's office in an odd place. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or go get a glass of wine. I opted for french fries and a frosted lemonade from Chick-Fil-A. I cried on and off for about 30 minutes without really understanding why. Maybe it was from the frustration of all this? I'm just so damn tired of not knowing and I absolutely HATE putting my body through so much. I'm just over it. Done. I can't wait for this to be my past.

So, that's where we're at. I'll pick up this testosterone gel and patch tomorrow and will fill my body with that, estrogen, and progesterone for the next month. Doesn't that sound fun? We will wait another 30+ days to find out if my cysts are gone. I hate this waiting game.