I decided to put my struggles on hold and break some rules. Infertility tends to steal your identity. It makes you feel worthless and overwhelms your brain with all the "What-Ifs." It's exhausting and depressing. For so long I've said, "I just want to be me again." So that's what I did this weekend. I decided to be me.
We did Independence Day the Southern American way. Tubing, drinking beer, shooting off fireworks, smoking ribs, food trucks, and more. IT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT!
Quick backstory: I quit drinking in January after our first appointment with the RE. No particular reason except that it seems like a good idea when you're spending thousands to make a baby. Also, control. It's something I can control... unlike my ovaries. Since January, I've had a few alcohol encounters.
1) A half-glass of wine in March after our second IUI failed.
2) 2 glasses of wine in April. It was Spring Break and we were about to start IVF. It was kind of like my last fling.
3) 2 glasses of wine in May (after our failed IVF) and then a drunken night out for a friend's bachelorette party (which didn't take much since I hadn't been drinking for so long).
4) 1 beer in June at a friend's wedding and 1 glass of wine after our 2nd cycle got cancelled then 2 glasses of wine at a friend's birthday dinner.
5) 1 glass of wine in July just because my husband was pouring it for himself and it looked yummy.
Have you noticed a pattern? It's summer and right now we're still about 1 1/2-2 months out from our next round of IVF so I'm having a hard time convincing myself that no alcohol is a good idea. This weekend, I just wanted to have a good time and BE ME!
So, my husband, dog, best friend, and I loaded up the car and took off to Chattanooga for the weekend to stay with another good friend. First, we went tubing down the Ocoee River with a cooler full of beer and a paddle. We totally missed our take-out point, lost a pair of flip-flops, almost lost my husband, got out at some family's campsite, and had to walk back to get our car. It was fabulous!
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| Ocoee River |
We stopped for Fireworks on the way home. Our friends smoked ribs for dinner along with boiled artichokes and potato casserole. BEST DINNER EVER! Around 11, we started having fun with our own fireworks and sparklers. 3 of us stayed up til 4 AM talking and laughing about any and everything... and eating Cheetos. Honestly, I haven't had that much fun in a long time. I really needed that time with my best-good friends to just be laid-back and carefree.
On Sunday, we went to the Chattanooga Market and indulged in frozen lemonade, food truck tacos, beer, fried donuts, and crafts. My husband and I left with a pair of hand-carved wooden earrings and a new sign for our foyer. I'd say we had a successful trip.
Monday was JUST as fun. My husband ran his first 10k in the Peachtree Roadrace. It was hot as hell out there. I decided to drink some coffee while waiting at the finish line (still breaking rules). I don't know how any of those runners made it out alive. I was pouring sweat and ready to pass out just from standing in the heat. But, I'm so proud of him! Hopefully, we can do it together in the future... when my life isn't revolved around the idea of "maybe being pregnant" all the time.
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| Peachtree Finish Line |
That night, we met up with our newly-engaged friends for beer, food, and fireworks near our hometown. Let me say this again, it was the PERFECT weekend. I woke up a little depressed on Tuesday because I wasn't ready to tell it goodbye. To get rid of my sadness, I tried a new recipe and spoiled myself with some gluten-free brownies. YES!!!
Infertility Updates: We're just waiting on Cycle Day 1 to get here. Calling the clinic on Cycle Day 1 is the only thing I've been told at this point. I think we'll probably do a Day 3 ultrasound to check for cysts and move forward from there. We have an appointment with the RE next week to go over our cancelled cycle and prepare for the next round of IVF.
Meanwhile, we both had blood drawn for Karyotype testing. Click on the link for a great explanation of this test and why someone may need it: What is KaryoType?
I requested this test myself as it is covered by insurance. I'm part of an infertility thread on Reddit. Many of the girls mentioned having this test done when their embryos couldn't survive to day 5. Their REs recommended it because it could explain why the embryos aren't making it to full blast. It could mean that something isn't right with the sperm, even though everything else with the semen analysis looks great. I know my RE would have suggested this if she had reason to but I wanted it done regardless. It's one less thing we can rule out for the final round of IVF. I just want to know FOR SURE that it's my ovaries' fault before moving onto donor eggs. I'd hate to move to donor eggs only to have the same thing happen. If it's in the sperm, let's find out now rather than later.
Now, what else can I get into this summer?
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| Isn't my dog the cutest festive yorkie-poo you've ever seen? |
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