If Infertility Were a Broken Arm

My best friend is beyond amazing! She always knows the right thing to say and has the perfect reaction to all of my bad news and angry infertility stories. She has been living overseas for the past 5 years and came home at the perfect time. Having her help me through this whole process has been the perfect antidote.

She came over for a pool day a couple of weeks ago. It just so happened to be the day after my second IVF cycle was cancelled. So, I was in the ultimate gloom and doom mood. As I was describing my feelings to her, she was able to relate but at a different level. You see, she suffers from depression and anxiety. The more we talked about our individual situations, the more we realized how similar they are. We also realized how people tend to respond to our circumstances similarly. In the infertility world, we call these "bingo phrases."

"Bingo Phrases" aka "What NOT to Say to Someone Dealing with Infertility
1) Just relax. It'll happen when you're not thinking about it.

2) Have you tried <insert vitamin or other natural substance here>?

3) Have you considered adoption?

4) It will happen in God's time.

5) Maybe you're not doing it right. (ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS?!?!?!)

6) My best friend's sister struggled with infertility. She finally got pregnant when.... (blah blah blah)

7) Maybe it's just not in God's plan for you to have children.

8) (referring to infertility drugs and IVF) Do you really want to do that to your body?

9) IVF worked for my friend. She has twins now!

10) If you just think about it enough and will your body to let it happen, it will. It's all in the power of the mind. (Someone actually said this to a friend of mine).

11) Are you sure you've tried everything?

There are so many more... I could go on for days.


As my friend and I were comparing stories of things people have said to us regarding infertility, depression, or anxiety we realized that many people just don't understand the pain we feel everyday. My friend made the argument that people only take physical ailments seriously. If it's an unseen illness or struggle, people think it can be fixed so easily and tend not to care as much. There is little sympathy. They try to give you unwarranted advice and only make the situation worse. This is how she came up with the fun notion of substituting infertility with a broken arm. We had a blast coming up with Bingo phrases for someone with a broken arm. Check them out:

If Infertility Were a Broken Arm:
1) Just relax and your arm will heal itself.

2) Have you tried any vitamins or organic foods to help your arm not be broken?

3) Maybe you should just consider getting a bionic arm, since this broken one isn't working correctly.

4) It must have been God's will for you to break your arm.

5) You arm will heal in God's time, no need to take any action in assisting it to do so.

6) Maybe you just weren't using your arm right. That's why it broke.

7) Are you sure you know how to use your arm?

8) Why are you taking pain pills and wearing a cast? Do you really want to put your body through that? *OR* Why did you break your arm? You shouldn't put your body through something like that.

9) My brother's mother's friend's aunt broke her arm a couple of months ago and now she has a new one!

10) If you just think about your bone healing, it will happen. You just have to will it not to be broken anymore.


We were dying with laughter trying to come up with these. It's a great example of how ridiculous people sound when they try to offer advice we don't want.

What can you take from this? If you know someone dealing with infertility (or Depression or Anxiety), DON'T use any of these bingo phrases. Just be there to listen. Offer love and support. This whole thing SUCKS and we just need you to understand that.


Boobs instead of Babies
Before I finish, I've got another "funny" that my best friend and I came up with. (She really is the best). In a discussion about breast implants, we began talking about the price of a boob job. One job is about $4500 where we live. Compared to what my husband and I have spent on infertility, that's pretty freaking cheap! Which led me to wonder, how many boobs could I have for the cost of all my infertility treatment?

The answer: 10!!!

I could have had at least 10 boob jobs. That's 20 new boobs! And so, we planned out my Halloween costume. She says she can make it herself. A gown lined with boobs to represent what I could have if it weren't for my infertility. :) I could look like a pregnant dog... or two!