She's 2 years old today. I bought her some birthday treats but I think we'll wait to give them to her tomorrow. She's been feeling a little under the weather and worrying me to death. As any infertile with a pet knows, these are our babies. I love her so much more than I ever thought was possible. I've never even wanted a dog nor did I think I'd enjoy having one. But, she has been my best friend through all of the ups and downs of infertility. I don't know what I'd do without my little baby girl.
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| The Birthday Girl! |
Fall Break
This week is fall break! Whoo-hoo! A whole week off of work. It hasn't been nearly as relaxing as I'd hoped but it sure has been productive.
Dermatologist: I want to the derm on Tuesday for a full body check. My sister had melanoma which puts me at an increased risk. This means that I must go once a year to get checked out. I have unusually bad dandruff and a super itchy scalp which sometimes breaks out into a red rash, so I had that checked out. The diagnosis: seborrheic dermatitis. Basically, I have cradle cap for adults. A special shampoo and cream was prescribed. I called the pharmacist and asked if it was safe to take this medication if I am pregnant. Of course, the answer is no. Go figure! Just another way that waiting on a baby that may never happen is effecting my life. I'll just continue to have an itchy, yeasty, flaking, red scalp. (Gross, I know). Good thing I have super long, thick hair. No one will notice except for my poor hair stylist... who also happens to be my sister. *insert evil laugh here*
While at the dermatologist, I had my very first age spot removed. It's above my eyebrow and has been driving me crazy. The doc said I was too young and she didn't want to tell me that it was an age spot. While she's saying this, I'm thinking, "Well, my ovaries think I'm in my 40's, why not my face?" I have a feeling I'll age poorly. Anyways, I had that removed and am now waiting for the scab to start peeling away. Can't wait until it's healed and gone!
Puppy Woes: As I said before, my poor dog has been sick. It started on Tuesday. She wasn't eating or drinking normally. She refused to go outside and was shivering all over. I found diarrhea in our closet and on the bathroom rug. I finally got her to eat and drink that night and figured she'd be fine. But, she was up and down all night that night. I got zero sleep and took her out at 3 AM thinking she might have diarrhea again. When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't find her anywhere and started freaking out. (She normally sleeps in a ball curled up against my chest). I finally found her sleeping in our closet and there was more poop in the bathroom. She was shivering again so I took her to the vet. He thinks she just has colitis, which basically means swollen lower intestines and diarrhea. They wanted to do an x-ray to make sure she didn't eat anything but I said no (too much money). They gave her an anti-nausea medication and sent us home with antibiotics. They took a poop sample and will call with results if anything abnormal comes back.
Everything seemed great. The shot they gave her was working wonders. She was running around, eating, drinking, and slept great! Once that wore off, she seemed a little more lethargic. She didn't poop for well over 24 hours so I got worried again. Around 7 last night, she finally pooped and ate her dinner. Then, we played ball and I figured all was well.....
This morning, I woke up to her shivering like crazy again. I took her out and she could barely walk up the stairs. She refused to eat or drink and then fell when trying to jump up on the couch. She was walking with her butt down and acting really funny. I have no idea what's going on! I've taken her out several times cause she keeps sniffing her butt like she needs to go. Nothing. She took a few bites of food but that's it. If she's not better by tomorrow, I think we'll be doing the x-ray. This is definitely not good timing but I'm glad I'm off this week and able to tend to her. What a horrible way to spend her 2nd bday! :(
Sister Update: My sister is doing pretty awesome considering what her piece-of-shit husband has put her through. She has always been strong and independent and I admire how well she seems to be dealing with the situation she is in. She found even more concrete evidence that he was cheating, which I think has motivated her to continue moving forward with her life. She got herself a hot new Mustang convertible and a pretty tattoo. She's going out with girlfriends and living it up. I know it's still incredibly hard for her and don't doubt that she's hurting but she's my hero! I'm amazed at how level-headed and mature she has been through this entire process. I don't think I could do it.
I kept my niece this past weekend so that my sister could go out with a girlfriend. We took her out to play putt-putt golf and eat Mexican food. I tell you what, dealing with a teenage preteen that just hit puberty is a lot of work. She's a mess and I love her! I asked her how she was feeling about the divorce with her mom and stepdad. She didn't give a clear response but we did get on the topic of how things will be different now. Somehow, this turned into a conversation about how much better life will be without him in it. She seems to be handling it rather well. It's hard for me to understand how she may be feeling as this is her stepdad and she's much older than I was when my real dad left my mom. I think she'll be okay. She's a strong, tough woman just like her momma!
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| Excuse the language but I think this is the perfect quote for both me and my sister. |
Fall: It's finally fall! The week started out super hot and summer-like. I went jogging Monday morning and by the time my jog was over, the sun was glaring down on me. I thought I was going to melt. This morning, I woke up to 52 degree weather! What?!?! That happened way too fast!
I cleaned the entire house and reluctantly decorated for fall yesterday. This is my absolute favorite time of year. Football, pumpkin everything, cute clothes, beautiful weather, and my birthday. But, the holiday season brings out a lot of feelings and mixed emotions. I'm afraid that having a failed FET (frozen embryo transfer) during this season will ruin it for me. I'm afraid I'll always think about and be reminded of our loss when fall rolls around. As I was decorating, I got teary-eyed. Every year, for the past 3 years, I've imagined that the next year, we'd be celebrating the holidays with a little one. I always tell myself that we'll decorate more and do fun crafts once we have a little one to join us. Yet, here were are, coming up on another holiday season in which it will just be us again. No little person to celebrate with. It's like mourning the loss of someone that never even existed.
Exercise: Being able to exercise again has been AMAZING! I think I've said this before but I feel great! I'm running a 5k in the morning with one of my best friends. With an FET coming up next week, this will probably be my last 5k for a while so I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it. My husband commented on how amazing I'm looking the other day. He couldn't believe it was from working out again after such a short time. My thoughts are that the lack of IVF meds and exercise has a huge impact on that. It made me feel so good that he noticed a difference though. I kind of feel like me again. :)
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| The best place for a fall jog |
Infertility Updates
I've been taking Estradiol for about 2 weeks now. I'm up to 3 pills a day. I haven't noticed any crazy side effects, thank goodness. I'm still taking Vitamin D, prescription prenatals, DHA, baby aspirin, and Vitamin C each day.
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| My daily meds in preparation for the FET. |
Today was my mid-cycle check. They did an ultrasound to check my lining, which was 8mm. A lining of between 8 and 13 mm is considered ideal for IVF treatment. Anything less reduces the chances of a transferred embryo from implanting. Low estrogen levels and poor uterine blood supply are sometimes responsible for inadequate growth. (https://www.ivfadvantage.com/preparing-uterine-lining). This is great news! I'll continue to take the estrogen pills as it thickens even more. If it had been thin, we would have had to reschedule the FET for next month and adjust the hormone levels. Thank goodness that didn't happen!
The nurse just called with my hormone levels. Estrogen is at 273, progesterone is at 0.3. This is normal so we are good to continue with our protocol! The nurse drew targets on my butt for the PIO (progesterone in oil) injections that my husband will begin giving me tomorrow. As I was standing there, in the ultrasound room, half-naked, letting this woman draw circles on my butt, I couldn't help but start laughing. Not sure she thought it was funny, but hey! I threw my dignity out the window ages ago. I'm now sporting two beautiful black circles on each side of my ass. SEXY!!
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| Totally TMI but it makes me giggle. It's good to find humor in some of this. |
Also, I had 20 follicles! TWENTY!!!!! I've never had more than 12. Go freaking figure that the one cycle we're not doing anything at all with my ovaries, I end up with more follicles than ever before. ARGH! My body hates me sometimes. All I know is that it better freaking take this embryo in and hold it tight while it grows and grows to become a little human being. I'm so ready to get this show on the road!
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| My current form of relaxation. I won't be able to do this after the transfer! |
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| My husband's job let him borrow this awesome car for a few days. We had a blast driving around, imagining we were rich folks. Seriously, though, the cost of all our infertility treatments could have gotten us this car. (The driver's seat will give you a freaking back massage while you drive)! |
(PS: Piper just ate all her food and drank all of the water in her bowl. HALLELUJAH!)
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