Pinch Me. I'm Dreaming.

I've been wanting to do a new post all week but just couldn't muster up enough energy. Let's see if I can stay awake long enough to finish this post tonight. :)

Infertility/Pregnancy Updates
It seems as if an entire lifetime has passed since we got the good news. In reality, it's been less than 2 weeks since we found out that the transfer worked. But, so much has changed in that short time!

First of all, I'm still not sure that I believe it. There are times that I start wishing I had more symptoms just to reassure myself that I'm actually pregnant. Crazy, right? I think this will change once we have our first ultrasound. You know the saying, "I'll believe it when I see it"? Once we see that tiny little chocolate chip on the screen, I think it'll be easier to believe.

Betas
We found out we were pregnant last Sunday, October 16. On Monday, our RE called and left a congratulatory voicemail. She apologized that she wasn't the one to give us the good news but wanted us to know how happy she was for us. This meant so much to me. When a doctor works hard to make sure you have the best possible care and invests time into making sure you're getting exactly what you need, it feels great! I never once doubted her decisions nor did I doubt that she was doing everything in her power to make sure we succeeded. Everyone needs to experience being the patient of a doctor who truly cares about you as a person. I wish all infertile women could see my doctor!

I went in for another blood draw on Tuesday. A successful, progressing pregnancy should see doubling beta levels every other day. On Sunday, my HCG was 410. Tuesday's test showed that I was at 795. This is great and totally normal. But, I freaked out a little because it wasn't exactly doubled. Our next beta wasn't until Saturday. (So far away!) I woke up every morning hoping and praying that I was still pregnant. Saturday finally came and my HCG was at 3120. Whoo-hoo!! Things seem to be progressing perfectly.

The next step is our very first ultrasound! Hearing the nurse say that we needed to schedule our first OB appointment was like music to my ears. Me? Mrs. Infertile? Mrs. No Eggs? Mrs. Old Ovaries? I get to go to an obstetrician for an ultrasound to look at an actual embryo?! In my uterus?! Unbelievable.

The countdown to ultrasound #1 is on! We are scheduled to see that little nugget on Tuesday, November 1st. I decided to take the day off so that I could just enjoy the moment....Okay, fine. That's not entirely true. I'm incredibly worried that the ultrasound will reveal a complication. All of this just seems too good to be true. As hard as I try to push the worry out, it's too easy to imagine everything that could still go wrong. I'm taking the day off for my sanity, to make sure I have time to process any news we get, and to rest. Hopefully, we'll get to spend the day celebrating a healthy pregnancy (so far).

Enough with that talk! For now, I'm pregnant. This may be the only time I ever get to be pregnant. I'm working on trying to enjoy it. But, it's hard not to worry about every little thing. PTSD after infertility is totally a thing and it's depriving me of the joy I should be feeling at this moment.

What's New? 
Imagine our shock when we found out that I was already 4 weeks, 2 days pregnant when we got our first positive! I got to skip a few weeks! Today, I am 5 weeks, 5 days pregnant with a due date of June 23rd. The embryo has only been in my uterus for 3 weeks but I'm almost 6 weeks along. It's like I got a bonus pass for an extra 3 weeks of pregnancy.

I downloaded the Glow Nurture app and absolutely love it! It's very personalized and gives daily articles and information that directly correlate to me and my pregnancy. Mr. Merman was able to join as my partner so that he can see all of the updates and articles too. I love waking up every morning to see what's happening with Baby P. This week, his/her eyes, heart, and brain are forming! Hopefully, we'll be able to see that tiny heart beating on Tuesday.

I know it's really early but I've already ordered some announcement goodies for our parents. Originally, we talked about telling them in person at Thanksgiving but it's so hard to wait that long! I want my mom to be able to share in the joy. I want my in-laws to be able to celebrate with us as they've been so supportive throughout this entire journey. I'd like to finally tell my Dad what all we've been through & why I've crawled into a hole for the past year. If our ultrasound goes well, we will most likely tell our parents next weekend. I'll be 7 weeks pregnant at that point. If we were to have a miscarriage or some other complication, our parents would be the first to know so I think it's totally fine if we tell them at 7 weeks.

Symptoms
First and foremost, I am beyond exhausted. In fact, I'm going to have to end this post soon because I can barely stay awake. The exhaustion is so intense that I almost fell asleep standing up more than once yesterday.

I'm also experiencing dizziness, random bouts of nausea, dry mouth, tender breasts, intense hunger, and frequent trips to the bathroom. I started a bathroom log because it just didn't seem right that I was going so often. Sometimes, the trips interrupt meals! It's ridiculous.

I'm pretty bloated, especially at the end of the day. I've had to unbutton my pants as soon as I leave work everyday this week. I'm paranoid that people are going to notice the bloat because all of my clothes are form-fitting.
I read that you are only supposed to eat 300 extra calories during the first trimester so I've added rice to my lunch (baked chicken breast and asparagus) so that I'm not overeating all day long. However, when the hunger hits, I have to eat immediately or I feel like I'm going to pass out. I keep a bag of pretzels and a bag of cheerios with me at all times for these circumstances. I've already experienced the midnight snacking a couple of times. When the hunger wakes you up, you eat!

Other than that, I feel pretty normal and have to keep repeating, "I am pregnant. I'm pregnant. This is real life."

Okay, this Mermaid needs some sleep. I hope this post made sense. I'm too sleepy to edit and revise... maybe tomorrow. :)

I'm totally going to be that pregnant woman.
I think I've earned it.