Today I'm posting about Father's Day... and Mother's Day. For those of you who have never dealt with infertility, it's impossible to understand how difficult these two days are. Imagine spending your whole life planning to have a family only to find that that may never happen. (I used to want 4 children!) We bought a house fit for children, with a basement we never use, an island they can do homework at while I cook, extra bedrooms, etc. When we finally decided we were ready to try, I had planned out the date range of the birth based on my school calendar. When it didn't happen in that time range, we kept going. When it still didn't happen, we kept going. The first Mother's Day rolled around and it was a little difficult but I told myself, "This time next year, we'll be able to celebrate. Maybe we'll find out we're pregnant around Father's Day so that can be a gift to my husband." But then those days came and went and we still weren't pregnant.
Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, the news, TV shows, movies, EVERYTHING revolves around being a happy family on these holidays. People post quotes and articles about the joys and blessings of being a mother or father. Media is a constant reminder of what we can't have, no matter how much we want it! Having this thrown in your face over and over is heartbreaking. Some of those commercials with the sappy music just make me want to scream. It's like someone is ripping my heart out and mocking me for not having the one thing others' seem to have. (Trust me, I know this is not the intention at all but this whole process will turn you into a justified, bitter human being).
My first round of IVF failed (spoiler alert!) a couple of weeks before Mother's Day this year and I just couldn't handle it. So, my mom and husband agreed that we could just ignore the holiday. We stayed home that day to avoid seeing all of the happy families. I stayed off social media for 2 weeks because, did you know? There's a Mexican Mother's Day too. It occurs right around Mother's Day and people continue posting sappy Mother's Day sentiments. Ignoring that day was exactly what I needed. Whenever a commercial comes on with a baby or parents, we either mute it or change it immediately. Sad, isn't it?
Father's Day seems like it would be easier for female infertiles. But, part of me feels guilty that my husband isn't a father. Technically, it's my body's fault. I know it's beyond my control but it doesn't stop the hurt. The commercials were getting to me and I couldn't help but wonder how my husband feels about it. I don't think he's phased by it as much as I am. Work and school have him pretty occupied at the moment. (I sometimes wonder how he's dealing with the stress of grad school, a new job, and infertility so well).
Anyways, I was okay until I took the dog out Saturday night. The streets of our neighborhood were filled with cars. It seemed like everyone was having a Father's Day celebration. I felt like Kevin in the original Home Alone movie, when he was walking through his neighborhood watching all of the family Christmas gatherings, knowing he was going home without one. Across the street, I could see children playing basketball with their Grandpa. Next door, there were children screaming and laughing while their dads tickled them and I could actually see that through the window. A little further up, you could hear a family gathering as they grilled out on the back patio. Suddenly, I started crying. I kept thinking that this couldn't be real. It feels too much like a movie. I turned to head back to my house and thought how sad it is that we'll be carrying on as usual with our child free life... and we may never have grandchildren... and we won't get to have big family gatherings... and that's what made the tears feel a little heavier.
It's a really tough day for couples dealing with infertility. So, if you know anyone who is going through treatment or testing, send them some love on those days. And, remember not to rub it in their faces that you've been blessed with wonderful children. Be sensitive and caring at these times. You can't possibly understand how terrible it is until you're in the situation yourself.
On A Happier Note
I took my dad out to lunch on Friday to avoid the Father's Day crowd and show him some love. Sunday was my mom's birthday. Since we skipped Mother's Day this year, we decided to celebrate that and her birthday together. So, we had my mom and stepdad over for a late lunch. I cooked a really yummy recipe that I found on the Everyday Occasions blog (see link below). It was a Rustic Penne Shrimp Pasta in a Parmesan and Red Pepper Cream Sauce. Except that my mom can't have shrimp so I substituted it with cubed chicken. And I used Boles gluten-free penne pasta so that it would be safe for me to eat. I bought Strawberry Swirl Cheesecake for dessert, which we enjoyed with decaf Peruvian coffee. Mom got her Mother's Day gift along with her birthday gift all at one time. My stepdad seemed touched by his gift but was careful not to take the birthday glory away from Mom. (He's good like that). The dogs played and wore each other out. Overall, we had a really great time! I never had to leave the house and had fun spoiling my mom.
So, now.... maybe this time next year, we can celebrate too? I'll try not to let that thought creep in and stick around. Hope is exhausting.
 |
This picture comes from Jenny Steffens Hobick's blog where I got the recipe. Mine didn't look that pretty.
No comments:
Post a Comment