But, we'll get to that in the next post. Today is all about this baby growing in my belly and all the events that have occurred since my previous post. As of today I'm 10 weeks and 5 days pregnant.
First Ultrasound (6 weeks, 2 days)
February 26- I took the day off so that I could mentally prepare and process whatever news came our way. Anxiety was through the roof! As I was getting dressed, I started crying because I was so afraid that this day would bring bad news but I was also so excited to be seeing our possible baby for the first time.
Mr. Merman met me at the clinic. We arrived about 20 minutes early, which made the wait seem so much longer. I could not sit still in the waiting room. My legs are bouncing, I was moving all around in the chair, and taking deep breaths. Once they finally called us back and I was settled in my paper skirt, sitting on the ultrasound table, the bouncing and deep breaths continued. My doctor walked in with a big, excited smile asking how we were and I just blurted out, "I'm so nervous!" She literally said, "Well let's jump right in." And there it was. Our little baby with a heartbeat! The doctor turned the screen for me to see and showed me where the heart was. Tears began pouring down my face. What joyful relief! She was so great about just letting us look at our sweet baby before she started measurements. Baby's heart rate was 129 and he/she was measuring 6 weeks 1 day.
They printed pictures for us to keep, congratulated us, and left the room. At that point, I was sobbing. Mr. Merman didn't know what to think. He kept asking if they were happy tears because he's never seen me cry so much. There was so much joy and relief in that small amount of time that it just overtook me. But we needed to celebrate! So off we went to lunch at 10:30 in the morning. We had a quick Chick-Fil-A date before Merman had to get back to work. Then I headed home to relax and be HAPPY for the rest of the day. We hung the ultrasound pictures on the fridge and allowed ourselves to be a little more excited.
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| 6 weeks 2 days * HR= 129 |
SCH
Feb. 29- Just three days after the initial ultrasound, I was folding laundry and felt dripping in my panties. I was too afraid to look so I just kept folding and tried to pretend it wasn't happening. But the dripping seemed to be picking up so reluctantly, I went to check. Sure enough, there was some red-pink blood in my panties. My heart sank to my stomach as all of the possibilities ran through my mind. Flashbacks of the miscarriage came into my mind as I fought away tears. I cleaned up and told Merman so that he could take over bedtime with Mertoddler. The defeated, disappointed look on his face when I told him there was blood just about killed me.
I laid down and called the on-call line at the fertility clinic. They called back to schedule an ultrasound for the next morning with my doctor who just happened to be working that weekend. YAY! The nurse was very reassuring as she explained that it's much less likely for a miscarriage to occur after a confirmed heartbeat. She also reassured me that bleeding is common and the fact that I wasn't cramping and soaking through pads was a good sign. I even texted my midwife and she called me instantly. She explained that it could be a subchorionic hematoma and tried her best to reassure me that things could still be okay. I put a hospital pad on the bed, a maxi pad in my panties, and laid down for the rest of the night. I don't even know how I slept but I did.
(6 weeks, 6 days)
I practically cried all the way to the clinic the next morning. Fighting back tears, I sat in the waiting room anxiously awaiting my name to be called. Before the doctor came in the ultrasound room, I was crying. She walked in to find me in tears and got right to it. She was so great to show me the baby and the heartbeat as soon as it popped up on the screen. The heart rate was 139 and Baby was measuring ahead, which were both great signs! And, sure enough, there was a subchorionic hematoma (SCH). It was about 2 cm long and right above the cervix. What a relief! But, also, what the heck?!?!
She explained that I would likely continue to bleed, especially after an ultrasound and with bowel movements. I was put on pelvic rest and told to "take it easy." Which means to stay off my feet as much as possible, no heavy lifting, and lots of rest. She offered to write a work excuse for the entire week but I chose to only take Monday off. I'm pretty sure I cried even more on the way out.
That night, Mertoddler was up coughing all night and having a hard time breathing. It was terrifying so I rushed him to the doctor the next morning (so much for taking it easy and taking a day off to rest). Croup (again)! He was diagnosed with croup and given a steroid to help open his airways. We spent a day at home together and I was able to keep my legs up and take a nap when he did. My poor, sweet boy always seems to get Croup and it breaks my heart for him.
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| 6 weeks 5 days * HR= 139 You can see the hemorrhage at the top left, like an upside down L |
Third Ultrasound (7 weeks, 3 days)
March 5- This was my final ultrasound with the fertility clinic. I'd been bleeding all week but it wasn't heavy and the amount and color fluctuated. This was the first appointment I went to without an overwhelming amount of anxiety and probably the only appointment that didn't involve tears (yet).
Baby looked great! He/she was measuring ahead again and the heart rate was 159. The SCH was still there but hadn't grown. So, I "graduated" and was told to make an appointment with the OB. They gifted me a baby spoon and sent me off with medical records.
Leaving that day was surreal. While waiting on the elevator, it hit me that I may never be back in that clinic EVER AGAIN. After years of infertility and appointments, it almost felt like a second home. So I teared up again. ha! Such a bittersweet moment. But I truly hope I never have to return to that place. I'd love to be able to put infertility behind me and move on with life.
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First OB Appointment (9 weeks, 2 days)
In between these two appointments, the Coronavirus pandemic took over the world and I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to make it. I'd been bleeding ever since we discovered the SCH. And just a couple days prior, I'd passed a small clot and the bleeding was a bit heavier. I had pretty much convinced myself that I was losing the baby and the SCH was just tricking me into thinking everything was okay.
March 18- Because of the Corona Virus (COVID-19), I had to be screened at the door of the hospital (where my OB is located). They took my temperature and asked a series of questions. Since I passed the screening, I was given a sticker and granted entry.
All doors were left open so that no one had to touch door knobs or handles. There was not a sign-in sheet at the desk. They pumped sanitizer into my hand before allowing me to hold the pen and fill out paperwork. It was like being in a fiction movie.
Anyways, the nerves struck again as I sat waiting for the ultrasound. Deep breaths ensued. When I finally made it onto the table and saw that sweet blob pop up on the screen, I began to cry again. He/she was just wiggling around and popping up and down in there. Again, Baby was measuring ahead and the heart rate was 179! Happiness and relief! (This whole process has been quite a roller coaster of emotions).
The SCH is still there but measuring about the same at 2.4 cm. I met with my midwife to go over future plans/appointments and to discuss the hematoma. As long as it's not growing, she said I have no reason to worry. Ironically, the bleeding has completely stopped since that appointment. I assumed it would get heavier after having the ultrasound but it did the opposite! It's been 10 days without a spot of blood. I don't know whether to be excited that it's clotting and going away or scared that it's filling with blood and growing bigger.
Furthermore, she has set my due date as 10/20/20 because they go off the first day of your last period. But I've been calculating based off of the ovulation day so I'm telling myself that I'm a day ahead of this. And since Baby has been measuring ahead, I'll continue counting weeks as if my due date is 10/19. I know it's only a one day difference but I enjoy Mondays being the day I get to "change weeks."
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| 9 weeks 2 days * HR=179 You can still see the SCH at the top. The little black pocket. |
Next Steps
The next plan of action is genetic testing. I go into see the midwife this Thursday, April 2nd for a routine pap-smear. At that appointment, I will have blood drawn for the Panorama testing (NIPT). This tests for things such as downs syndrome, Trisomy 13 and 18, Turner Syndrome, microdeletions, and more. We also have the option to find out the gender, which we have decided to do. EEeeeekkk!!! I'm trying to focus more on the excitement of finding out the gender over the anxiety of finding an abnormality.
Then, on April 13, I go to the MFM specialist to have an NT scan done. This will further test for Downs Syndrome, Turners Syndrome, and Patau Syndrome. They will also check the SCH at that time. This is two weeks away and I just can't stand waiting!
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| This was my attempt to finally allow feelings of excitement so that I could take a little "bump" photo. |
We haven't announced or told the family yet and it's killing me. I'm already showing, which is crazy! But since we're on lockdown and sheltered-in-place, I'm not having to hide from anyone and am comfortably working in my yoga pants.
As for symptoms, the worst have disappeared. I rarely have nausea anymore. But those first few weeks were pretty brutal (although I never threw up). My boobs have definitely grown and are still really sore. Mertoddler has noticed this as he keeps wanting to poke at them and even asked to see them one day. He said, "Are those big!?" hahahahaaaa! All I could do was laugh and confirm that they were definitely growing bigger.
I'm still hungry all the time. Just when I think that symptom is calming down, it hits with a vengeance. I partly think my "showing" is just from eating everything in sight. And now that we're stuck at home all day, it's really hard to stay away from comfort/junk food.
The countdown to genetic testing is on! I'm still really reluctant to get excited until we know everything is okay in there. I can't wait to let my guard down and just be excited about this miracle pregnancy and our future baby.
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