Going A Little Crazy

Help me! I'm now 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant! I know that a lot of first-time moms go past their due date but, I'm about to lose my mind!

Obviously, the eggplant parmesan didn't work but it was delicious! Mr. Merman isn't a fan of the eggplant so I've been enjoying leftover cheesy goodness for days. I just can't get enough!

Although the meal didn't cause me to go into labor, it may have helped move things along. The morning after eating it (Thursday), I lost my mucus plug. There was no question about it this time. It was exactly like what you see in the pictures online. I got so excited, that I jumped up and texted everyone who would care. Now, I realize that losing your mucus plug doesn't necessarily mean labor but it was the first sign that something was happening! I threw on my walking clothes, loaded the dog up in the car and headed to the park. We walked another 3+ miles then grabbed a treat at Starbucks on the way home. I has convinced myself that labor was coming within the next 24 hours and that walking would help it along. :(

Non-Stress Test
We made it to Friday for our NST. I spent 20 minutes lying on my back hooked up to two monitors. One kept track of the heartbeat and the other kept track of contractions. They gave me a little button to push anytime I felt movement. The results were great! His heartrate stayed right around 140 the whole time and there was more than enough movement. It even showed that I was having contractions!

Mr.Merman snapped a picture of the NST

The midwife asked about the cramping and discomfort from the contractions and I had to tell her that I had no idea what she was talking about! I haven't been feeling anything. She said they were very small contractions but were pretty consistent. It's been two days and I still haven't felt any. What could that mean?

We discussed doing another membrane sweep but decided not to. She said that losing the mucus plug and having contractions were both signs that my body is preparing for labor. So we decided to just go home and keep waiting. If nothing happens, then we go in Wednesday morning for another NST and we'll begin inducing that night. The induction schedule was full for the week but this midwife said she would directly emit me as I don't want to get too close to the 42 week mark.

So... there's that. I can focus on Wednesday. If nothing happens before then, at least there's a plan and I know it'll be less than a week before we get this sweet baby into our arms.

Bad News... Bringing Me Down!
Amidst all of the impatient waiting, I've been dealing with maternity leave paperwork and insurance bullshit. I got some really upsetting news about my maternity leave this week.  If you recall, I had phoned HR back in October during open enrollment to find out how leave works. At the time, I was told that they would use up all of my sick days before touching short-term disability. I've got more than 12 weeks of sick days saved up so she told me that I'd be able to use my sick days until I decided to go back to work. She also told me that the summer was free time off and my leave wouldn't start until the school year started back.

This whole pregnancy, I've been thinking I'd be on paid leave until October, which would be about 12-14 weeks with my baby. I've planned childcare, cloth diapering, and breastmilk pumping around this. I even avoided taking anymore sick days so that I could continue saving them for maternity leave. So I was pretty livid upon finding out that everything I was told was completely incorrect.

The lady processing the paperwork told me that I would only get 6-8 weeks of leave, starting from the day he is born even if it is summer. I called HR and explained what I'd been told in October. She said that the policy had changed. But I don't believe this cause I spoke with some other teachers who had babies this year and they were all only given 6-8 weeks. Which lets me know that the lady I spoke with in October was incorrect. She should probably attend some educational trainings so that she can do her damn job!

Maternity Leave in the USA.
Basically.

Here's the "maternity leave" plan:
- 6 weeks of "disability" if it's a vaginal delivery. 8 weeks if it's a c-section.
- The 6-8 weeks time-frame begins on the birth date, even though it is summer.
- They will not use my sick days during the summer but the time will count toward my 6-8 weeks of disability
- My sick days will begin being used once the school year starts back (July 24 for teachers) and I will get an additional $25 per week as part of the short-term disability plan I signed up for.
- Once the 6-8 weeks is up, I will stop getting paid.
- I'm promised 12 weeks of leave by law (FMLA) however these 12 weeks are unpaid. It just means that I won't lose my job or be penalized for staying on leave.
- The 12 weeks doesn't start until the school year starts (July 24)
- Once my 6-8 weeks is up, I can continue to stay home until the 12 weeks of FMLA is up on October 23.
- I cannot choose to use my sick days during this FMLA leave because I am no longer considered "disabled" after 6 or 8 weeks.

So let's say that "M" is born vaginally today. That means that I'd have to go back to work on August 14th, only having used 15 sick days.  Doesn't that just seem insane?!?!?! I have over 60 days of sick leave saved up right now. Why isn't it my right to choose if I want to use them as part of my maternity leave? I don't know what we're going to do but there's no way I'm going back to work when my son is 6 weeks old. Not to mention, I don't have childcare set-up to begin that soon.

Mr. Merman was extremely upset when I was explaining this to him. I told him there was no way I'd be going back to work in 6 weeks. He didn't argue with that so I'm hoping he's okay with me not getting paid for a few weeks. I'm not even sure we can manage that with the IVF debt we're still paying each month and the added cost of hospital bills and adding a new human to our family. But, I'm determined to make it work for at least 3-4 additional weeks. I just don't understand why this country doesn't have better options for new mothers and their sweet babies. It just makes me want to cry and scream and punch things. :(

(PS: If I didn't have any sick days saved up, I would only be getting 66 2/3% of my pay each week).

Breast Pumps and Insurance
Under the Affordable Care Act, insurance is required to cover the cost of breast pumps for new moms. However, when I called to infer about this I was told that it only covers manual pumps, unless I have a premature baby in which case they will cover an electric pump. (This was back in March or April) I was given the information for the company that would be providing the pump if I decided to get one.
Because I knew insurance wouldn't be covering an electric pump, I did tons of research on them and used gift cards from our showers to purchase the Spectra S2.

I had decided I wouldn't need a manual pump until recently. I've read that they can be helpful when you quickly need to relieve yourself of engorgement before actually feeding or get your letdown started for baby. So I called the company that provides the pump only to be told that they don't carry manual pumps. What?!? How can that even be possible? 

Then I called our insurance company back to see what the deal was. The lady seemed really confused by what I was telling her and wanted to know why I wanted a manual pump. This is when she tells me that whoever I talked to before was incorrect because they do cover electric pumps as long as they aren't hospital grade. *insert overdue pregnant woman anger here.* What the fuck does she mean they "cover electric pumps"?!? Why can't anyone in this world seem to do their fucking job?!?!?

I explained that I'd already bought a pump with my own money because of the information I was given. She apologized and offered to call the company for me to start the claim on getting a new pump, suggesting that I sell the one I have. Ironically, the pump company had an automatic message saying that they are "unexpectedly closed for the day." With it being a holiday weekend, I have to wait til Wednesday to call back. 

At this point, I'm just over it. I don't even know if I want to go through the trouble of filing a claim to get another pump. I already have one I like and have used. If I were to sell anything online, it would be the pump insurance provides and not my "hospital grade" Spectra pump. 

Although it might be nice to have a pump for work and one for home? Hmm....

Speaking of Pumping...

I've been doing more nipple stimulation. I decided to do it twice yesterday, instead of once. Guess what?! Colostrum started coming out! Mr. Merman and I were both in awe. My body can't seem to get pregnant and it can't seem to go into labor but HOLY COW! It does know how to produce some milk. I keep the pump on the massage setting just to stimulate the nipples so there were only a few drops. However, I'm curious if I'd be able to get enough colostrum to freeze if I switched it to the express mode. 

Feelings

I'm trying to stay relaxed and patient but it's hard. As of this morning, I am the last girl in my Centering Group to give birth. It reminds me of the feelings I had with infertility. I felt left out, as if I was the only woman who's body couldn't get pregnant while everyone around me was able to do it without even trying. And now I'm the only one who can't seem to go into labor while everyone around me is just popping out babies. And it's frustrating. 

I'm having a really hard time sleeping. The past few nights have been terrible. I feel tired but then I can't fall asleep and I can't get comfortable. I toss and turn until I finally give up. Oftentimes, I start getting hungry during these episodes and end up eating while I read a book or play on my phone. I'm not comfortable during the day because I can't find a good sitting position. Last night was just too much. I didn't want to sit, I didn't want to be awake, I didn't want to read or eat. I just wanted to SLEEP and I couldn't. All I could think to do was cry. 

I feel like I'm going crazy. I need to get out of this house and go do something! Mr. Merman and I saw "Baby Driver" last night. Then we picked up some clary sage oil (I heard it is supposed to help during contractions) and had dinner. But the instant we got back home, I started feeling anxious and irritable again. I'm losing the desire to do anything. I don't want to go grocery shopping because the last time I went was supposed to be the "last time before baby." I don't want to cook and plan meals because the baby should be here and we should be eating the frozen meals by now. I don't want to clean anymore because I've already cleaned everything with the mindset that it would stay this way for the baby but now things are getting dirty again. 

Piper got groomed yesterday so that she'd be ready for the baby. Right now, she's the only thing that really makes me laugh. I just go snuggle up with her when I'm feeling impatient and sad. 

I think I need to go walk around the mall or something today. I have to get out of here and get my mind off things before I go nuts. Luckily, Tuesday is a holiday so I'm making plans to stay busy. Fireworks with friends in our town tomorrow night then a parade and fireworks in the next town over on Tuesday. I'm skipping yoga tonight cause I just don't want to have to walk back in there and announce that I am still freaking pregnant. 

I'm so ready to meet this baby and be a mommy! 

Come on little "M"! Mommy and Daddy are dying to hold you.