Last Day of Leave

I can't believe that today is my last day of Maternity Leave. I am a mix of emotions as I reflect on the past 2 months and look forward to the future. As I type, Merbaby is lying on his playmat intently focused on the blue dog toy hanging in front of him. His left fist is up as he works hard to make contact with the blue dog. His little legs are kicking and his lips are puckered up in concentration. And my heart melts each time I look at him. My sweet, precious boy is already growing and developing so much! Its so unfair that I can't spend everyday at home with him.

Chaos of the Past Couple of Months
I swore that I would blog all through maternity leave to help savor every sweet little memory of this time that goes by so fast. That turned out to be a big fat FAILURE! Life is a bit busy with a 2-month old and every "break" I get is a rush of feeding myself, using the bathroom, taking care of the dog, and trying to get in a household chore before he wakes up. It's comical actually; almost like a relay race for life: "How much can you accomplish in an hour or less with just a few hours of sleep?"

I've decided to just highlight some of the biggest moments or things that stand out the most when I look back at our first 2 months as a family of three.

Colic?
First of all, let's talk about "colic." Sometime around 2-4 weeks, we noticed that Merbaby would start to get fussy around 5 PM and would cry until he slept for the night around 10 or 11 PM. The only thing that would calm him was walking around the house facing forward. It was exhausting! We would take turns walking around until he finally fell asleep and then we would crash! His naps were barely lasting 20 minutes throughout the day and I actually looked forward to nursing him because that was a guaranteed 20-30 minutes of peace and quiet while I was lounging in the recliner with the TV on. It was around that time that a former coworker and mom of three sent us a gift in the mail that changed our lives:

Every new parent MUST buy this book and read it immediately! It seriously changed our lives. I've heard of the 5 S's and I'd watched the YouTube video but it just didn't seem to work for us. I couldn't get the swaddling down (it's hard work with those blankets). Merbaby wouldn't take a pacifier. And the swaying just wasn't working out. Reading the book changed all of that. It explained the reasoning behind all of these things and even gave instructions on how to correctly use each of them. As it turns out, I was doing it all wrong.

The week I began reading this book was also the week that Mr. Merman was out of town for work. My mom came to stay for most of that week. Having her there was a gift! I read parts of the book to her and we figured it out together. By the time she left, Merbaby was sleeping much better and the colic seemed to be no more! I seriously believe that colic is a myth. It just seems like I didn't know how to soothe or calm my baby correctly. He wasn't sleeping well and it was causing this extreme fussiness. I read about sleep deprivation in babies and Merbaby matched all of the indicators. Of course this made me feel like a terrible mother but I was so happy to be able to recognize this and solve the problem. That Friday, Mr. Merman returned home with his sister and family in tow. It ended up being a great weekend visit because I now knew how to make my baby happy. What a relief!

I know every baby is different but the swaddle was key for our little guy. I gave up on the blankets after he broke out of them every night and I could feel my frustration taking over. We had several Swaddle Me's but I hadn't been able to figure out how to use them. After watching a few YouTube videos, I was able to figure it out and now we use it daily. Even though he still won't take a paci, we are able to hold it in his mouth to soothe him when he's having are hard time sleeping. So, this is my service announcement to new parents: Read The Happiest Baby on the Block and get some Swaddle Me's now!

First Outing
As any new mom will tell you, the first weeks of mommyhood are lonely. Honestly, I often wondered what we'd gotten ourselves into or if life would ever be the same. Watching TV helped remind me that there's still life outside of my house. I was purposely watching reality shows to prove that people still go out and do things after having children. It was pretty sad but it motivated me to get up and get out.

Going out in public caused anxiety because: What if baby has to eat? What do I wear so I can feed him in public? What do I wear with this weird postpartum body? What if he cries in public? Isn't he too young to take out? It's easier to just stay home. How will I even find time to get dressed and ready to leave? Do I have to carry him around in this carseat? Will walking around too much mess with my healing lady bits? Will it be painful to move around so much? What underwear do I wear out?

All of this was going through my mind but I was mostly anxious about feeding in public. I'm slightly modest and just don't feel comfortable whipping my boob out but I also wasn't comfortable enough with breastfeeding to do it under a blanket or cape. But I faced my fears when he was 1 week old because I just needed to get out of the house and do something before I went crazy!

We loaded up the car and headed to... the hair salon! ha! Mr. Merman needed a haircut so we went with him. Merbaby slept through the whole thing and I just sat in the chair admiring the world around me. FREEDOM! I wasn't ready to go home so we went shopping at Kohl's. It felt so, so, so, so good to be out! Of course, Merbaby did get hungry so I snuck back to the bathroom area where they had cushioned seating and I could feed him under a cape. SUCCESS! We had a successful public feeding although I was extremely anxious the entire time. Every time a man or woman walked by on their way to the bathroom, I got self-conscious. An employee stopped to ask me about the cape and I was just wishing she would go away! But that's okay because I did it!

Mr. Merman being silly during Merbaby's first outing! 

Dad's Accident
Unfortunately, my dad was in a car accident during Merbaby's 2nd week of of life. It just so happened to be during our second outing. I wanted to get out of the house so Mr. Merman decided that we should go outlet shopping and grab lunch. On our way home, I had a weird text from my dad saying that he had been in an accident but he thinks he's okay. He was moving that day and had been driving back home to eat lunch and pack up the last few boxes. He was at the intersection right by our neighborhood when a 19-year-old girl pulled out in front of him. While talking to him, he tells me that he's sitting on the curb with the police officer who is insisting that he go to the ER to get checked out. We were rushing to get to him so that we could assess the situation and take him to the hospital ourselves but we were stuck in quite a bit of traffic. He seemed shaken up on the phone and it scared me!

By the time we made it to the accident, they'd already taken him in an ambulance. As we pulled up and I saw my Dad's car crushed into a stop sign with the airbags deployed, I kind of lost it. Fighting the tears, I jumped out to talk to the officer about what had happened and to get information on where they would be towing the car. I climbed back into our car to a screaming baby. My poor husband had been sitting in the car with a crying, hungry baby the whole time. I felt terrible. It was all so overwhelming and I just cried. There's nothing scarier than thinking that you could have lost a parent in the blink of an eye. I felt so helpless with a newborn.

Best Husband & Son-In-Law Award goes to Mr. Merman! After he got me and Baby situated at home, he drove to the hospital to be with my dad. He drove to the tow-lot to clean out my dad's car. Then, he went to my dad's apartment and finished packing everything up. He moved everything to my dad's new place and even unpacked some stuff for him. The next day, he picked my dad up from the hospital and drove him around to run errands and get things in order. They came by the house to pick up my car that we let Dad borrow. His entire left arm was bruised and red. It was enough to make my stomach turn. How terrifying! The hospital thought he had bleeding between his skull and brain which is why they kept him overnight. But it turns out he just had a concussion. He still had a dull headache and was sore but overall, he felt fine. I was filled with anger at the girl who pulled out in front of him. How dare she put my father in danger like that! If only I could give her a piece of my mind. Thankfully, he's okay. He now has a shiny new truck and is happily moved into his new place.

Football and Baseball
Little Merbaby is already being introduced to the world of sports. My husband's company held a free event at the new football stadium in our town. We planned to go for weeks so that I'd be prepared to take this baby out. He wanted his coworkers to meet his baby and I was excited to socialize with adults. At 7 weeks, we took our baby to the new stadium where our home team was practicing on the field. They had free drinks and catered food. After the team finished with practice, we got to go down on the field! He won't remember this but we got to sit on the 50 yard line before the first game was ever played in this stadium. He slept through most of it but I did end up feeding him before we left. I'm getting much more comfortable with nursing in public. Depending on where we are, I rarely even cover up for it now.

Last week was our 7th wedding anniversary and my mom got free baseball tickets from work. The seats were right on the field so we decided to go. I dressed Merbaby up in his baseball clothes with a little baseball on his butt and we drove out to the other new stadium in our city. I carried him in the Ergo, which is so much easier then using a stroller! Unfortunately, a huge thunderstorm moved through and the game was cancelled. But we had fun checking out the new stadium, eating game day food, and hanging out with my parents. Maybe next year Merbaby will get to watch his first baseball game?

Perfect 2 Months
Overall, the first two months of this little guy's life have been filled with excitement and new adventures. It's a learning process for sure but I think we're doing a pretty great job. He's had so many visitors that love and adore him! A friend set-up a meal account so we had people signing up and bringing meals over once-twice a week. (I highly recommend this for all new moms). We were in survival mode and these meals made life much easier!

We've experienced shooting poo, loud baby toots in public, and being peed on. We celebrated Mr. Merman's birthday, which is another crazy story by itself since I may have waited til the last minute to plan anything. This little guy has been to several restaurants, survived being vaccinated, and has figured out how to sleep through the night (if 5 1/2 hours counts). He's been to a wedding shower, a baby shower, and a gender reveal party. There have been too many Starbucks trips to count. We've been on several walks through the neighborhood and at the park. We've had playdates with our Centering friends and other new mommies. The best playdate was when Mommy (me) accidentally locked us out of the house and Daddy had an important meeting at work that day. So we spent the day at our best friend's house, pooping, eating and sleeping. Oh the stories we'll have to tell!

Doctor Updates
As of now, Merbaby is 24.25 inches long and weighs 13 lbs. 5 oz. He has nearly doubled his birth-weight in just two months. He's a tall baby in the 96th percentile and we love watching him grow. He's currently wearing 3-month clothes but some of those are getting a little small. He's got pretty good head control and is really beginning to lift it up during tummy time (which he hates). He's beginning to coo a lot more and likes to touch things with his hands. He is able to track things with his eyes and often looks in the direction of our voice. Everything seems to be going well and is right on track for his age.

Miss Milky
This has become my nickname with our Centering friends because I am producing so much milk! My biggest fear was not being able to breastfeed, which seems ridiculous now. I'm so very lucky as it has been easy since day one. His latch was perfect. My milk came in right on time and he's been steadily gaining. No reflux or allergies have made their appearance in our lives and I'm feeling extremely fortunate. We met with a lactation consultant at 3 weeks to discuss building a back-to-work stash of milk and to discuss introducing the bottle. I began pumping each morning as that's when boobs are the most full. Once we introduced the bottle, I had to begin pumping twice a day and that's when I realized that I'm really milky! He only takes 2-3 oz. in a bottle but I'm pumping 10 or more oz. each time. One time, I pumped 17 1/2 oz. in one sitting! Because of this, I've got quite the stash built up and doubt I'll have any problems keeping up with his appetite once I go back to work. I plan to pump two times a day which should produce more than enough milk for him to eat the following day at daycare. Let's just hope my supply continues to stay up while he's away from me all day long.

My Milk Stash

First Day at Daycare
Speaking of daycare, Merbaby had his first day last week. We found an in-home daycare that isn't too far from our house and is on my way to work. This lady is extremely energetic and knowledgeable. She has 4 kids of her own and 7 grandkids so she's full of experience. I immediately felt comfortable in talking with her. She has 3 other babies that she keeps who are all at least a year old. Merbaby is her only newborn. On Thursday of last week, we decided to do a trial day to make sure he would take a bottle from her and to let them get to know each other. It also helped ease my mind about going back to work. I woke up and got ready as if I was really going to work. Mr. Merman helped load everything in the car and I dropped Merbaby off. Then I drove to work to test out the traffic and get a feel for how much time I would need to get there. As it turns out, I'll need to leave slightly earlier as I would have been about 10 minutes late to work. But the drive wasn't bad at all!

I drove home to pump for 30 minutes and then went to Starbucks. Since I was baby-free, I decided to go inside! It was surreal standing there without a baby attached to me, a freeing delightful feeling. I took my Starbucks and a book to the nail salon and enjoyed my first pedicure since having a baby. It was AMAZING! However, I was getting more and more anxious as time went on. It's weird not knowing what your child is doing after seeing his every move for 2 months straight. I was dying to know how many wet diapers he'd had, how often he'd eaten, and whether or not he'd had a nap. Was he crying? Did she swaddle him correctly? Did she check that he was breathing during naptime? I kept having to calm myself down and force myself to enjoy the "me-time" that I didn't realize I needed.

After 4.5 hours, I picked my baby up and he was just fine! She said he ate two 3 oz. bottles without any problems. He'd taken two short naps and had fun playing on a playmat. I brought him home and he slept some more. I think daycare wore him out. It was a freeing feeling being able to leave him with someone else while I took time for myself. I'm not so scared to go back to work now! Just sad.

First Night with Daddy
Friends of ours are getting married in a couple of weeks and this past weekend was the bachelorette party. We've known about it for quite some time and I'd made it a goal to be able to go. This meant having Mr. Merman do bedtime with a bottle for a week straight and leaving him with the baby while I went for walks with the dog or ran to Starbucks. And then the day came and I didn't think I could do it. Mr. Merman didn't seem fully confident in being alone with him for several hours. Merbaby had given us a really hard time going down the night before. Halfway through the day, I just decided that I'd wait until he was asleep before I left, even though that meant missing the lingerie shower and dinner. But, Mr. Merman insisted that I go and told me not to worry. It was the encouragement I needed sp I threw on the only black outfit that still fits (maternity pants and a loose black top) and left before I could change my mind.

I pumped once I got to the hotel and packed the milk in a lunchbox full of freezer packs. Then I enjoyed a glass of wine with the girls. Merman sent pictures to help ease my mind which helped me enjoy myself a little more. We went out to dinner and got margaritas. I kept having to remind myself that I was a mom... and that I wasn't pregnant... and that I had a baby at home but it was still okay to drink. I can't even explain how odd it felt to be out and about, barhopping and enjoying myself. I came home around midnight and experienced my first pump and dump. I prepared a bottle for his first wake-up, which happened to be 15 minutes after I finally got in bed. He took the bottle and went right to sleep. Was I tired the next day? Oh yes! Was it worth it? Most definitely! But, I think we'll be okay at this parenting thing. :)

PS: Mr. Merman says they played, watched some football, and walked around the house bouncing cause Merbaby was missing his mommy. :)

My Final Day of Maternity Leave 
Yes, I've cried. I thought I was okay until I started crying out of nowhere. I let him sleep on me in his agility carrier today. I've stared at him just a little too long... and plan to do more staring. I keep squeezing and hugging on him because I can't imagine him spending an entire day with another person. It breaks my heart.

I'm trying to busy myself with prep for tomorrow. Packing his diaper bag, prepping his milk, packing my lunch and all the pumping supplies I'll need. Mr. Merman is working from home due to Tropical Storm Irma so he's working on laundry. (Have I mentioned that he's the best?)

Update (a few hours later): After typing that, Merbaby woke up from a nap and ate. I played with him a good bit and then he fell right back to sleep on me. I decided to just let him stay there cause I'm going to miss that cuddle time so much! I've cried two more times today just thinking about what he'll be doing the next few days without me. I know he'll be okay but it's not fair that mommas have to leave their babies so soon. Every time he smiles at me, I tear up.

But I know we'll be okay. Maternity Leave has been like living a dream. It was hard and I had to learn a lot in order to care for this baby. But it was everything I'd always wanted and more. I'm looking forward to the rest of our life raising this precious boy. He's going to learn so much in the years to come and I'm excited to watch him grow. As they always say, my heart now lives outside of my body.

We've got an hour til his bedtime and I've done nothing to prepare. Guess I better let Daddy take over so I can get started.