National Infertility Awareness Week

I want to take some time to acknowledge the importance of this week for so many struggling couples out there.

Somehow, I didn't know about National Infertility Awareness Week until this year. But I've jumped right in and tried my best to make people aware! I think it's easier to talk about infertility when you've had success. I never wanted to talk about it while we were in treatment, mostly because of the constant advice and hurtful comments it brought about. I've listened to women who are still fighting to get that baby and heard their frustrations over all of the posts coming from couples who have had success with their infertility treatments. Posting pictures of baby bumps, IVF babies, ultrasounds, etc. isn't necessarily fun for those who are still struggling and I get it! That's the last thing I wanted to see after 2 failed IUIs, a failed IVF, and a cancelled IVF. Bringing about awareness for infertility shouldn't be solely about the success stories, but mostly about the hardships and emotional struggles we face each day.

My goal this week was to post things I would have liked to see when I was in the throes of infertility. I made sure not to post anything at all about being successful as I don't want to pass on the common misconception that "everything turns out okay in the end" or that "IVF works for everyone." The cold hard truth is that IVF doesn't always work and not everyone gets that happy ending. I wanted to inform people of the reality of infertility and give them advice on how to interact with people who are struggling. I also wanted to encourage women to educate themselves on their reproductive system and share information on when to seek help from a Reproductive Endocrinologist because that's what I really wish someone had done for me.

On Monday, I shared this:
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. As someone who has been diagnosed with infertility and struggled to conceive naturally for years, this is such an important week for me. This video is from last year but is too awesome not to share as it asks so many great questions! Why is infertility testing and treatment not covered by insurance? Why aren’t women educated about their reproductive system from an early age? Why do others feel the need to pry into our business and offer unsolicited advice? And if you’ve been trying to conceive for 6-12 months without any luck, why aren’t you seeing a specialist? Don't be afraid to go before it's too late.

On Tuesday: 1 in 8 couples have trouble conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy. We fight feelings that no one could possibly understand. Infertility is a constant state of grieving. Infertile couples grieve month after month after month. We grieve over a lifelong dream that is lost as cycle after cycle fails. We grieve as the little human being we’ve always wanted drifts further from reality. We grieve as we watch you fulfill the dream we want more than anything else. Humans are not equipped to be able to handle this constant state of grief and it becomes unbearable. Someone around you is currently struggling and needs your support. Be kind and don't offer advice. Just listen and love. 

On Wednesday: Infertility Misconception: It is almost always the woman's fault. 

Infertility Fact: Research has shown that women with
infertility have the same levels of anxiety and depression
as do women with cancer (resolve.org)

Educate yourself, become aware, and pay attention to your bodies!

On Thursday: For National Infertility Awareness Week, I thought I’d include some tips and advice on interacting with/supporting an infertile friend.

Things NOT to say to a struggling couple: "Just relax. It’ll happen!" "I can just give you my eggs." "As soon as you stop thinking about it, it’ll happen." "Why don’t you just adopt?" "We’re so fertile, I can just look at my husband and get pregnant." "Have you tried eating organic?" "My best friend’s sister got pregnant after a failed IVF so it can happen!" "Are you sure you’re doing it right?" "Maybe you weren’t meant to have children." "It just wasn’t part of God’s plan." "You can have my kids!"

Things You SHOULD say to a struggling couple: "I’m here for you." "Please let me know how I can help." "I promise to listen and offer hugs when needed." "How are you?" "I’m thinking of you." "I love you." "You are strong! I’m proud of you." "I know this is hard and it totally sucks!" "Can I get you some pizza and ice cream?" 

On Friday: Today's National Infertility Awareness Week post is about fertility. Women, we have to advocate for ourselves and one way to do that is by really understanding our bodies. I highly recommend reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I read this before we started trying to conceive and was in complete awe of how little I knew about my body. Every girl should have to read this as a teenager. (Guys would really benefit from reading it too). Because I'd read this book, I knew something was wrong when we weren't getting pregnant after just a few months. I went to my OB and started treatment early, which was smart. What wasn't smart was sticking with the OB. If you're struggling to conceive, get yourself to a Reproductive Endocrinologist! We wasted too much time with an OB and it was almost too late. 

In summary:
1- Read this book! (link below)

2- Go to a specialist ASAP! (I left some information about my RE here)

http://www.tcoyf.com/taking-charge-of-your-fertility/

I'm not sure what I want to post today. I'd like to post some personal pictures of the needles and daily medications from when we were doing IVF. Maybe post some pictures of the IV in my arm prior to each egg retrieval or the bandages from all the blood draws. But, I'm scared doing so will take away from the awareness and will remind people that it did eventually work for us, which is what I'm trying to avoid. So I may just be finished posting... or maybe I could post something about the success rates of infertility treatment and make people aware that it doesn't always work. Time for more brainstorming!

Anyways, I've been extremely pleased with the results of these posts. On Wednesday, a coworker stopped me in the hall and said, "I saw your posts. Where do you go?" I could tell she was holding back tears so I gave her the information but told her that I'd send it to her in a Facebook message. Before I left work that day, she'd messaged me on Facebook explaining that she'd been trying for a year and thought that this month was it! But she had started her period that day while at work. She thanked me for being brave enough to share, explaining that she already feels better knowing that she's not alone. Amazingly, she was able to get an appointment with my RE this week because they had a cancellation. To be honest, talking with her and being able to help made me cry. I cried empathetic tears for the pain she is feeling and happy tears that my posts were able to help someone, even if it was just one person. 

A really good friend and fellow co-worker apologized to me for offering to share her child with me. She remembered a conversation we had last year when we were struggling through treatments. Once she saw my post on what NOT to say, she realized what she had done and reached out. It was so sweet!

Another coworker mentioned my posts. He said that he'd never thought about how difficult it must be to want something so much and to constantly be told, "NO!" even after working hard and doing everything possible to make it happen. He related it to buying a car or a house. When people want something, they're told they can have it if they work hard enough so they do everything they can until they can afford it or make it happen. But, infertility doesn't meet those standards and it doesn't work that way. There were two other women in the room who jumped in on the conversation and we started discussing that insane maternal instinct and longing to experience pregnancy that most women have from the time their little. I was able to explain how hard it is to see announcements, especially at staff meetings. They realized how hard it would be to go out in public everyday and see all the families that have what you want. All in all, it led to a great conversation and got others thinking about what an infertile person goes through each day. 

I'd say it has been a successful week of sharing and making people aware. We all just need to advocate and encourage people to educate themselves.