National Infertility Awareness Week

I want to take some time to acknowledge the importance of this week for so many struggling couples out there.

Somehow, I didn't know about National Infertility Awareness Week until this year. But I've jumped right in and tried my best to make people aware! I think it's easier to talk about infertility when you've had success. I never wanted to talk about it while we were in treatment, mostly because of the constant advice and hurtful comments it brought about. I've listened to women who are still fighting to get that baby and heard their frustrations over all of the posts coming from couples who have had success with their infertility treatments. Posting pictures of baby bumps, IVF babies, ultrasounds, etc. isn't necessarily fun for those who are still struggling and I get it! That's the last thing I wanted to see after 2 failed IUIs, a failed IVF, and a cancelled IVF. Bringing about awareness for infertility shouldn't be solely about the success stories, but mostly about the hardships and emotional struggles we face each day.

My goal this week was to post things I would have liked to see when I was in the throes of infertility. I made sure not to post anything at all about being successful as I don't want to pass on the common misconception that "everything turns out okay in the end" or that "IVF works for everyone." The cold hard truth is that IVF doesn't always work and not everyone gets that happy ending. I wanted to inform people of the reality of infertility and give them advice on how to interact with people who are struggling. I also wanted to encourage women to educate themselves on their reproductive system and share information on when to seek help from a Reproductive Endocrinologist because that's what I really wish someone had done for me.

On Monday, I shared this:
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. As someone who has been diagnosed with infertility and struggled to conceive naturally for years, this is such an important week for me. This video is from last year but is too awesome not to share as it asks so many great questions! Why is infertility testing and treatment not covered by insurance? Why aren’t women educated about their reproductive system from an early age? Why do others feel the need to pry into our business and offer unsolicited advice? And if you’ve been trying to conceive for 6-12 months without any luck, why aren’t you seeing a specialist? Don't be afraid to go before it's too late.

On Tuesday: 1 in 8 couples have trouble conceiving or sustaining a pregnancy. We fight feelings that no one could possibly understand. Infertility is a constant state of grieving. Infertile couples grieve month after month after month. We grieve over a lifelong dream that is lost as cycle after cycle fails. We grieve as the little human being we’ve always wanted drifts further from reality. We grieve as we watch you fulfill the dream we want more than anything else. Humans are not equipped to be able to handle this constant state of grief and it becomes unbearable. Someone around you is currently struggling and needs your support. Be kind and don't offer advice. Just listen and love. 

On Wednesday: Infertility Misconception: It is almost always the woman's fault. 

Infertility Fact: Research has shown that women with
infertility have the same levels of anxiety and depression
as do women with cancer (resolve.org)

Educate yourself, become aware, and pay attention to your bodies!

On Thursday: For National Infertility Awareness Week, I thought I’d include some tips and advice on interacting with/supporting an infertile friend.

Things NOT to say to a struggling couple: "Just relax. It’ll happen!" "I can just give you my eggs." "As soon as you stop thinking about it, it’ll happen." "Why don’t you just adopt?" "We’re so fertile, I can just look at my husband and get pregnant." "Have you tried eating organic?" "My best friend’s sister got pregnant after a failed IVF so it can happen!" "Are you sure you’re doing it right?" "Maybe you weren’t meant to have children." "It just wasn’t part of God’s plan." "You can have my kids!"

Things You SHOULD say to a struggling couple: "I’m here for you." "Please let me know how I can help." "I promise to listen and offer hugs when needed." "How are you?" "I’m thinking of you." "I love you." "You are strong! I’m proud of you." "I know this is hard and it totally sucks!" "Can I get you some pizza and ice cream?" 

On Friday: Today's National Infertility Awareness Week post is about fertility. Women, we have to advocate for ourselves and one way to do that is by really understanding our bodies. I highly recommend reading "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. I read this before we started trying to conceive and was in complete awe of how little I knew about my body. Every girl should have to read this as a teenager. (Guys would really benefit from reading it too). Because I'd read this book, I knew something was wrong when we weren't getting pregnant after just a few months. I went to my OB and started treatment early, which was smart. What wasn't smart was sticking with the OB. If you're struggling to conceive, get yourself to a Reproductive Endocrinologist! We wasted too much time with an OB and it was almost too late. 

In summary:
1- Read this book! (link below)

2- Go to a specialist ASAP! (I left some information about my RE here)

http://www.tcoyf.com/taking-charge-of-your-fertility/

I'm not sure what I want to post today. I'd like to post some personal pictures of the needles and daily medications from when we were doing IVF. Maybe post some pictures of the IV in my arm prior to each egg retrieval or the bandages from all the blood draws. But, I'm scared doing so will take away from the awareness and will remind people that it did eventually work for us, which is what I'm trying to avoid. So I may just be finished posting... or maybe I could post something about the success rates of infertility treatment and make people aware that it doesn't always work. Time for more brainstorming!

Anyways, I've been extremely pleased with the results of these posts. On Wednesday, a coworker stopped me in the hall and said, "I saw your posts. Where do you go?" I could tell she was holding back tears so I gave her the information but told her that I'd send it to her in a Facebook message. Before I left work that day, she'd messaged me on Facebook explaining that she'd been trying for a year and thought that this month was it! But she had started her period that day while at work. She thanked me for being brave enough to share, explaining that she already feels better knowing that she's not alone. Amazingly, she was able to get an appointment with my RE this week because they had a cancellation. To be honest, talking with her and being able to help made me cry. I cried empathetic tears for the pain she is feeling and happy tears that my posts were able to help someone, even if it was just one person. 

A really good friend and fellow co-worker apologized to me for offering to share her child with me. She remembered a conversation we had last year when we were struggling through treatments. Once she saw my post on what NOT to say, she realized what she had done and reached out. It was so sweet!

Another coworker mentioned my posts. He said that he'd never thought about how difficult it must be to want something so much and to constantly be told, "NO!" even after working hard and doing everything possible to make it happen. He related it to buying a car or a house. When people want something, they're told they can have it if they work hard enough so they do everything they can until they can afford it or make it happen. But, infertility doesn't meet those standards and it doesn't work that way. There were two other women in the room who jumped in on the conversation and we started discussing that insane maternal instinct and longing to experience pregnancy that most women have from the time their little. I was able to explain how hard it is to see announcements, especially at staff meetings. They realized how hard it would be to go out in public everyday and see all the families that have what you want. All in all, it led to a great conversation and got others thinking about what an infertile person goes through each day. 

I'd say it has been a successful week of sharing and making people aware. We all just need to advocate and encourage people to educate themselves. 

Overshadowing...

I'll just start with this....

That's the current state of our dining room. You can imagine the panic and anxiety that have ensued, which also helps to explain my lack of updates.

Last week was Spring Break so I had everyone scheduled to come take care of the issues in our house: Mold removal company coming to cut out the drywall, remove mold, and sanitize area to make it safe for our family to breath; A plumber to find the source of the leaks and fix them; a contractor to estimate the cost of replacing drywall and repainting.
I was hoping it'd be simple and quick but of course, that was not the case. As it turns out, the leak in our dining room is being caused by a loose shower pan in our master bath. Apparently this leak has been going on since the beginning of time. But the water has been slowly dripping to the outside wall, which is why we didn't notice it until this past year. The current estimate to repair the damage is slightly over $12,000 and we're looking at 2+ months of work. The entire dining room is basically being demolished and rebuilt because a couple of main support beams have rotted out and must be replaced. Our master bathroom will be gutted in order to replace the shower pan and to replace rotted wood flooring under the laminate and tile. We also discovered some mildew beginning to grow in the closet because it shares a wall with the shower. AND, we found where the previous owners cheaply replaced some wooden floor pieces that had been rotting which made it even harder for us to notice the leaks/water damage. They basically hid the problem to sell the house.

Luckily, the garage leaks were an easy fix. The PVC pipe from our guest bathroom was leaking because the builders forgot to glue it. A good friend came over to repair that for us. Thank goodness for handy-man friends!

We also had our roof replaced over Spring Break, which we paid out-of-pocket for. Amidst all of this chaos, guess what else happened? Piper found a dead mouse in our basement!! I had taken her downstairs while they were doing the roof so that it wouldn't be so loud. I was hoping this would ease her anxiety. I noticed lots of dead flies everywhere but figured something had probably died under the porch or right outside the window. As I'm sitting on the couch, reading my book, I notice that she is preoccupied elsewhere and being oddly quiet. I kept calling her over with no luck. I finally decided to check on her and found her playing with a rotting mouse carcass! I almost lost it. I immediately grabbed her, ran upstairs to tell my husband, threw her in the tub, and scrubbed her clean! I even grabbed the doggie toothpaste and kept putting it in her mouth to hopefully clean out the nasty germs.

We've had rodent problems in the past. A few months after moving in, we discovered several mouse traps, poison, and dead mice in the unfinished part of our basement. Once again, it seemed that the previous owners had hidden the problem with massive amounts of poison. They also cheaply fixed a hole in the attic where squirrels were getting in. We ended up paying about $2,000 to close up the entire attic and find every little hole that the mice could be coming through in the basement. We've been rodent-free for a couple of years so seeing this little dead mouse in the FINISHED part of the basement was so defeating! Our warranty with this company ran out so we're basically starting fresh. I had a new company come quote us for a full exclusion and wildlife control. The good news: there's very little sign of activity in our basement. It may have just been one rogue mouse that got lost in there. The bad news: There's over $1,200 worth of possible openings that need to be closed up on the outside of the house. He even found where something had chewed through our air conditioning line!

Another reason I think our house is so attractive to these nasty little things is that we have woods and a creek behind our house. Luckily, the drought dried that creek up so there is no longer a good water source to attract the rodents and mosquitoes. But our backyard is now a FIELD of weeds! We didn't want to risk getting bit by mosquitoes during all of our infertility treatment so we just didn't do any yard work last year. Which means that we now have weeds that are taller than me back there! It's the perfect place for little mice to roam around and hide. I think my mom feels bad for us because she offered to pay for a lawn service to take care of our backyard. So, I've got a guy coming today to check it out and give us a quote. Crossing fingers it's reasonable!

Needless to say, my spring break was NOT relaxing at all! There was so much going on that I totally missed the first part of my OB Centering appointment. My brain was a bowl of mush so I mixed the times up. I don't believe in "pregnancy brain" but I'm definitely feeling forgetful at the moment. I've only cried once but am always on the verge of tears. I'm frustrated, stressed out, anxious, and mad! I'm mad because all of this housework seems to be overshadowing the happiness and excitement of preparing for Baby. We worked so hard to get here and I'm FINALLY pregnant! I've tried to enjoy every second of this pregnancy because I know it's probably the only time I'll be able to experience this. I just want to absorb it all and remember every detail. But nursery prep has been put on hold because mice and rotting support beams are a bit more important. Also, who has money for a baby now?!? The financial strain is REAL!

Pregnancy Updates!
I'm currently 29 weeks & 6 days pregnant! As of this morning, I've gained a total of 23 pounds. I think the bump is finally starting to pop out enough for people to recognize me as a pregnant woman. However, a lady at the hair salon (last week) told me that she didn't believe it and needed to see an ultrasound. While it was a nice compliment, it was also very irritating because the pregnancy "not being real" thing is a very real concern for infertiles.

Totally took a bump pic at work cause these pants make
it look so big! I was in shock every time I passed a mirror

I'm so excited to be well past viability and into my 3rd trimester! It really does seem unreal. I feel great and sometimes forget that I'm pregnant. I often have to remind myself that there's a human growing inside me. I've started to swell a little. My rings won't fit on my fingers anymore and my shoes are feeling tight. When I wake up to pee in the mornings, it feels like my heels are filled with fluid as I walk across the bathroom floor. But it quickly goes away. My yoga instructor showed me some good stretches and moves to help with swelling so I'm constantly doing those to help.

We had an appointment with the MFM to check on baby's umbilical cord about 3 weeks ago. Everything looked great! Baby was measuring right on track. His weight was 2.6 lbs! The doctor seemed so confident that the cord wouldn't be a problem that he told us not to come back for another 6 weeks. The glucose test was last month and I passed! YAY! The drink wasn't nearly as terrible as everyone made it seem. I felt totally fine until the last 15 minutes before the blood draw. It kind of felt like I might throw up and/or pass out. I wanted to drink water and eat a protein bar so bad! The test was at 2:30 so I'd spent all day only eating protein. I just wanted some carbs and sugar! As soon as they drew my blood, I chugged some water, ate some cheese, and had a protein bar. Mmm! They also pricked my finger to test my iron levels that day. I must brag on myself because the midwife so it was the best number she'd seen all day! She wanted to know what I was eating and told me keep it up. I've never had good iron levels so I was sincerely shocked. Hearing this was great news! Maybe I should just eat like I'm pregnant all the time. :)

We have signed up for ALL THE CLASSES in May. We have 4 birthing classes, 1 breast-feeding class, a parenting class, and a hospital tour scheduled.

My baby shower invitations went out this week so we've been working on the registry. My idea was to have a literary themed nursery with lots of books and quotes from my favorite children's books. But as we were registering, my husband was drawn to the whale and octopus items. So now I'm thinking we'll incorporate that into the theme. Honestly, I'm okay with not using a theme and just making all the colors match. Which reminds me, the nursery is finally painted!! It only took 4 weekends... and then some. My husband despises painting so it was like pulling teeth to get him to stay focused on the project. I love it though! We ordered a crib off Wayfair (so cheap!). It arrived a couple of weeks ago but we haven't had time to put it together. Maybe next week? We need to figure out the house situation first.

                                       

                                     Closet Before

 Closet Now

Nursery Before

Nursery After

Baby does not have a name yet. HOWEVER, I've got a little surprise up my sleeve. I started working on it over spring break and am waiting for some crafts to come in so that I can complete it. The project will hang on the nursery door. And that's all I'm going to say for now...

Baby is moving a lot! The midwife always comments on how active he is. The MFM showed us that he was facing backwards, like he's looking at my spine. So most of the movement feels like it's kicking the back of my uterus. I thought it felt odd and knew he wasn't kicking forward so that was good confirmation. The ultrasound tech also mentioned that he was standing on my bladder, which might be why I get sudden urges to pee. I love, love, love feeling him move around in there! It has been hard for my husband to differentiate between the movements and his pulse so he's been frustrated. The kicks continue to get harder so I made Mr. Merman keep his hand on my belly for a while earlier this week until he finally felt movement! I can't wait til we can see the movement from the outside. That's going to be crazy-cool!

I've also picked out a daycare. I did a good of researching in our area and came up with a long list of daycare questions. (When you've spent your whole life working in childcare, it makes it that much harder to trust anyone with your own kid). The first daycare I visited made me feel sick. I left wanting to cry because, WHY do I have to leave my child in daycare at such an early age!? Then I visited the second daycare and fell in love! They were so attentive. Even the school chef was able to answer my questions. The best part is that they provide diapers, wipes, and formula and it's included in the cost! I had 2 other daycare visits scheduled but decided to cancel them. I was really happy with the staff and clientele plus it's barely a half-mile from our house. However, I also have an in-home daycare I'm holding out hope for. She's currently full but could have a space opening up over the summer. Several of the teachers at my school send their children there so I trust that she's amazing. I like that Baby would be in a home environment and it's much cheaper than daycare. So we will see which of these options end up working out. I'm also hoping I can talk my dad into keeping Baby until he's at least 6 months.

In Other News

I have successfully thrown a baby shower and a bachelorette party since the last update (see pictures cause I totally like to brag on my event planning skills). The wedding is this weekend. I think I mentioned before that Mr. Merman is the officiant. He got his license online for FREE! I wrote the ceremony last week since I had some extra time and really wanted to get my mind off of the house. I'm not sure how nervous he's feeling but my stomach is in knots for him! I actually had fun writing the ceremony and feel like I'd enjoy being an officiant. So... maybe that could be a new side job in the future? Hmm...

My sister has a new boyfriend. They seem to really be hitting it off... because she's moving a few states away to be with him! Normally, I'd be all for this move and her happiness. But the whole family is really upset about it because it feels like it is happening extremely fast. I'm going to miss my niece so much! It's hard for me to get a read on her actual feelings regarding the move. She'll be 13 in June and is now having to pick up her whole life and move in with another family. New school, new family, new friends, new house... it just seems like a lot for a girl her age and it breaks my heart. I try not to think about it cause it pulls at my emotions which are all over the place these days. I took her out for ice cream last week. We had so much fun! She was cracking me up and talking my ear off and I just wanted to scoop her up and take her home with me. It's going to be hard knowing that I can't just drive over to her house anytime I want to see her. And I really wish they were going to be close by so that Baby would know his only cousin and aunt on my side of the family.

Also, everyone is freaking pregnant! It's unreal. My college roommate came over with her husband on Saturday while he fixed our PVC pipe. She told me that she was 9 weeks pregnant! Of course I happy for them because I knew they'd been trying and he'd had some issues that could have caused them to need intervention. So it's great that Clomid helped him and they didn't have to dive too deep into the infertility world. On Sunday, my Yoga instructor told me that she was pregnant. On Tuesday, a coworker announced her 6th pregnancy at our staff meeting. It was a little obnoxious because she showed a video. Do you really need a big announcement like that for your 6th child?! Not everyone is as fertile as you!
Yesterday, the bride texted to let me know that she was also pregnant! They started trying last month and got it on the first try. I'm not going to lie, it upset me. After getting so many pregnancy announcements in a few short days, I think it was too much. The PTSD of infertility and hearing about all of these people getting their "free sex babies" is still so hard. I love my friends and I'm glad they didn't have to face the struggle. But, I'm sad for me and all of my fellow infertiles.

Anyways, it's past my bedtime and Mr. Merman is out celebrating with the bachelor before he ties the knot in 2 days. I better go catch some Zzz's because it's going to be a long wedding weekend!