WE HAVE 2 FROZEN EMBRYOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had fully prepared myself for the worst news. I was already thinking ahead as to how I would move on and continue to live a happy life without biological children. What conversations would my husband and I be having once it was confirmed that I could not have a biological child? But, now, I am able to put those thoughts aside just a little bit longer because we actually have something to show from this final round of IVF. (These are still very realistic possibilities but I'm allowing myself to enjoy the first bit of good news we've had since January).
Getting the Good News
I managed to keep myself really busy all week and time moved pretty quickly. Thursday night was tough. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I got. At times, I had to slow down and breath before freaking myself out with all the thoughts I had bouncing around in my head. My husband was great that night! He reminded me that no matter what news we got, it would be a good day because we would know. The IVF game would be over and I could stop putting my body through so much. I didn't sleep well at all that night... but that might be more of the dog's fault. (We're watching my parents' dog while they're on vacation and he's not familiar with the sounds of our house. Needless to say, he was up barking at every noise he heard, all throughout the night. Talk about a great way to get sleep when you're experiencing extreme anxiety).
I decided that I did not want to get the news at work (like last time). So, when I got to work at 7 that morning, I turned my phone off and put it in my purse. I put my purse in my desk drawer and forgot about it. Luckily, it was an extremely busy day finalizing my schedule, organizing and completing files and paperwork, getting schedules and lessons plans from the teachers I'll be working with, etc. I stayed so busy I almost forgot to eat lunch. It was perfect because I barely had time to think about the call.
My drive home is about 30 minutes long. I left work at 2:40 on the dot. Who am I kidding? I practically ran out of there once the clock hit official "you're off" time!
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| Me leaving work. Except, I kept my clothes on. :) |
I usually listen to a podcast on my phone or "talk text" with friends during my afternoon commute. So, the inner-debate got pretty heated during that drive:
"What if they need you to call back before 4? You need to check now."
"I can cry and drive. It's totally normal."
"Just turn the phone on and get the podcast going. Ignore the missed calls and voicemail."
"What if I see 2 calls and one is from the doctor herself? Then I'll know it's bad news and I'm not ready for that."
"But she could be congratulating you."
"Breathe... you're fine.Waiting isn't going to change the outcome. It's already done."
Eventually, I decided that I'd wait til I got home, took the dogs out, and got in a comfy place. I turned the radio up and enjoyed the rest of my commute singing along in ignorant bliss.
Once home and sitting in my comfy place, I turned my phone on. I had two voice mails. One was the clinic's number and one was unknown. I decided to listen to them based on who called first. So, the first voicemail was someone from the IVF lab. There was something in the way she greeted me, I automatically knew it was going to be good news. I busted into tears immediately.
"Hey, Miss Mermaid! I'm calling from the IVF lab with an update. Today is day 6, which is the final day of culture and wanted to let you know that we were able to biopsy and freeze 2 of the 3 embryos."
For some reason, I started walking upstairs while I was listening to the message. I ended up in our office, in the floor. I was laughing and crying all at the same time. Who knew I was capable of making so many weird noises and faces? I think I listened to the message 3 times before actually believing it. Then, I just sat there and cried tears of disbelief and joy. I texted my husband immediately, "BABE! We have 2 embryos!!!!!!!!!"
I finally calmed down enough to listen to the next message. It was from the genetics lab. They called to let me know they would be receiving the biopsy from my embryos on Tuesday and needed the consent forms and payment information. I purposely didn't fax this paperwork over ahead of time because I didn't want to jinx it. We never made it to this point during our other IVF cycles and I was afraid that if I sent in paperwork, it would be giving in to hope (which has done nothing but disappoint me so far). I pulled myself together, grabbed the paperwork, and rushed off to Staples to fax it over before their office closed. I probably cried a total of 10 times during that trip. Every time I thought about our 2 embryos, I busted out a laughing cry.
Unfortunately, my husband is out of town this weekend for a bachelor party. We knew I'd be getting the news alone but didn't want to cancel his plans. Infertility ruins enough of life's plans. He'd already missed out on seeing his best friend the weekend before because he was taking care of me after the egg retrieval. They haven't hung out in over a year so I felt pretty bad about that. This is when my best friend came to the rescue. I texted her on Monday to let her know that I was going to need some kind of emotional support Friday night and didn't want to be alone. She's the best! Without a second thought, she cancelled her date and said she'd be there. Our plans were purposely unplanned as we didn't know if it would be a night of celebration or a night of distraction. She was the second person I texted, "It's going to be a night of celebration! We have two embryos!!!" I think she was just as shocked as I was.
She drove straight over from work hugged me as soon as she walked in the door and wanted to hear all about it. I popped open a bottle of wine and hashed out all of the details. We went out for dinner and margaritas then hit up a local bar. It was exactly what I needed. A night to just be happy and remember what life is like without constant worry and anxiety. We talked about anything and everything. It was perfect!
My husband is so excited. I can't wait til he gets home so we can celebrate together. I just want to jump in his arms and cry more happy tears.
What Next?
The genetic lab will run tests on our biopsies this Tuesday. It will take 7-10 business days to get the results. My clinic will call as soon as they get the report to let us know the results. Then, we will meet with our RE to go over the next steps and further discuss the growth of our embryos.
There is a big possibility that these embryos are abnormal. My eggs aren't the best quality and I know that. That's why we decided to have the genetic testing done. If they do come back abnormal, we'll be back to trying to figure out our next step toward becoming parents without any help from my ovaries.
But, right now, I'm enjoying this good news. This is the closest we've ever come to having a baby. After years of periods showing up every month, negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test, a lot of bad news, failed IUIs and IVFs, we have made it one step further. One step closer to becoming parents. I just want to enjoy this. FINALLY, something good. All I can do is think about those embryos. I'm trying not to get too hopeful and excited. There is so much that can go wrong with the genetic testing, frozen embryo transfer, pregnancy, etc. But, as for now, we have two precious embryos and I love them so much. Hope and positive thoughts are allowed to stick around just a few days longer. This may be as good as it gets... but hopefully it'll get better.
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| Day 5 Blastocyst Our little embryos look something like this. |
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