Life Update
2020 is off to a crazy start! Merbaby is "all boy" as people like to say. Typically, these types of phrases annoy me but I think I'm starting to come around to this one because there is a stark difference between this male toddler and my niece at this age.
On January 6, Merbaby decided he didn't want to stay seated on the couch like Mommy told him to. I was cooking dinner while he was having a snack and bouncing all over the couch. Shortly after asking him to stop because "he might get hurt" I turned my back to continue cooking. Merbaby took this opportunity to jump one more time, which resulted in us spending the evening in the emergency room. He flew off the couch hitting his head on the end table. It busted a hole so deep in his forehead that I could see his skull. I felt calm, collected, and cool until the blood cleared and I saw bone. That's when I panicked and called 911. We ended up taking the ambulance to the hospital because I just didn't think I could manage driving him myself. I was a MESS of emotions. We were at the ER for a few hours while Merbaby was given happy drugs to help keep him calm while they stitched up his head. The nurse wrapped him like a burrito in the sheets to keep his arms still. We sang various versions of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" as they stitched him up and he kept telling us that his arms were stuck. He got internal and external stitches and was rewarded with a Popsicle when they finished closing his head up. I never want to experience anything like that again. The guilt and anxiety I felt after such an event led to my decision to take the entire week off to be with him.
Two days after the fall, he was diagnosed with croup which got even worse by the end of the week and the doctors were worried about pneumonia. With lots of love and antibiotics, Merbaby finally started acting like himself again a week later. Once we had nursed Merbaby back to health, Merman and I became sick. I was already recovering from the virus I'd caught in December and then this one came and knocked me back down. I was miserable! I never go to the doctor and like to avoid medication as much as possible, but this left me feeling desperate. My doctor suspected walking pneumonia but I declined the x-ray and chose to use steroids and antibiotics. This did the trick and I was better in a week. Merman wasn't quite as bad so his cleared up on it's own. (Lucky man!)
Speaking of Merman, he has begun taking classes at an IT school 3 times a week. He's hoping this will open up future job prospects so I'm supporting him 110%. He's also leading a new project at work while also doing his actual job. Needless to say, he's in over his head and barely staying above water. I'm doing my best to keep things afloat at home but it's exhausting. It really helps me appreciate single parenting. Doing it alone is no joke and utterly exhausting. But, it's temporary and it'll be worth it in the end. We've got this!
Project IVF
We launched the Bonfire t-shirt fundraiser in December and have made it through 3 cycles of fundraising, which is heartwarming to say the least. I've cried many grateful tears over the contributions people have made. Several friends and family members have contacted us personally to send money and offer support. It is mind-blowing to me! I truly hope that I can give back someday and help those who have been so kind and selfless enough to help us. Love is being felt more than ever right now.
As of now, we've raised and saved enough money to pay for all the medication (we hope). The plan is to use all of our personally saved money and what we've earned through t-shirts to pay for the medication and we will be taking out a loan to pay for the actual IVF procedures. My dad and I have been communicating a lot and seem to have come up with a really solid plan to make this all happen. My parents are planning to help with the loan payments as we are still paying off the loan we took out for IVF with Merbaby in 2016.
In the meantime, I've been calling around to find the best personal loan options available. The financial adviser at our clinic has been in contact with me as we work to figure out the best options available to us. Ultimately, we've decided to use Attain again. Doing so allows us the opportunity to do two rounds of IVF. We were only planning to give it one more try but I know me and I WON'T be okay if it fails and we're out of options. Knowing that there's a back-up plan gives me so much peace. With the financial aid from my parents, this decision was a little easier especially since it comes as a package and only costs a little extra.
And then we wait....
Wait for the Attain application to be approved
Wait to apply and be approved for the loan
Wait for my next cycle to start
Wait for the protocol
Wait to start ordering meds
Wait...
And while we wait, we will try again and hope that just maybe we won't need IVF...
